The Rant

The Walk

2012-02-02T03:15:00.000-08:00

I'm hoping tomorrow will turn into a decent 'grind' day as I'm forced to wake up early because my landlord is coming by to pick up the rent and well, I don't have that sort of cash on me so I need to run to the bank.

I'll groggily throw myself out of bed, stand around aimlessly until I find sweatpants/my favorite hoodie, and stumble my barely conscious self down to the CIBC in freezing cold weather. Yeah, this is going to suck.

I'm about 6 hours from looking like this, minus the bright colors and enthusiasm

Well, at least I'll be awake by that point and can celebrate with some sort of caffeinated beverage/breakfast combination. Hot Peppermint Mocha/Bagel? Green Tea Rockstar/Egg Whites? Obviously one of those two sounds much more appealing than its counterpart, but we'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow morning. Perhaps I'll be in a health-conscious mood.

Times like these make me realize how nice it'd be to have an assistant who could take care of this stuff for me. I swear, I must have written about this before but I can't seem to find 'assistant' in any of my past blog entries. Really? I know it's in there somewhere. A year ago I came close to hiring someone but decided against it because I felt like I'd be throwing money away. But with tomorrow's events looming, it doesn't seem like such a horrible idea. Realistically, I'll likely hold off on hiring an assistant until I get to Thailand -- at that point the 'salary' I'm paying someone to pick up groceries/do laundry/tuck me in at night will be minimal and well worth the cost. Until then, I guess I have to do stuff myself. Womp wahh.

The Ricky

2012-01-31T02:18:00.000-08:00

Eleven days between this post and the last one, so I guess I have some 'splaining to do.

Haven't done much, poker-wise, in the last week and a half. Shipping $5.5k didn't do much for my work ethic, as I've only played a few hundred games since. Even when I took an impromptu four day Vegas trip, I didn't play a single hand of poker. Instead I took the time to grind slot machines with my dad, a decision I'd make again 100 times out of 100. At one point I was able to calculate how much I was losing per 'pull' but luckily a steady supply of alcohol and laughter helped me bury that thought deep inside my brain. I mentioned it to a grinder I met here in Vancouver and apparently he does the same thing so now we're obv best friends.

My lease expires February 29th which means I'm down to my last month in Canada, at least for the time-being. I hope to get in 2k+ games because I won't have the chance to play when in the U.S. and I know I'll get the itch as soon as loading games is no longer an option. With my roommate still in the midst of a month-long prop bet which has him clogging up the STT lobby, most of my games will be 180s/MTTs. I might still be able to fit in a few sets of 9 mans here and there, but he's been grinding 10+ hr days for almost two weeks now. Good work, kid. Only if I could find that sort of motivation...

The Glass

2012-01-20T02:42:00.000-08:00

Bink.

A few hours ago I finished 3rd in the Big $22 for $5.5k.

I promise to only spend a paragraph on this next bit. Promise. I'm obviously happy to ship the biggest score of my career, but I'd be lying if I said I haven't been thinking about the first place prize of ~$12k that eluded me. Obviously I was lucky to navigate my way through a field of 4600+ but man it feels like the victory slipped right through my fingers. It didn't help that there was such a discrepancy between 2nd/3rd place money or that on my final hand I was coolered AND slowrolled. Bah.

Now with that pesky negativity out of the way, I want to focus on one singular positive -- I feel I played extremely well, especially during the final few tables. Fantastic calls, good folds, and at the moment I can't remember a single misstep although I've been awake for way too long. I'll be covering the significant hands and discussing them at length in my next instructional recording for PokerVT. Really excited about that making video.

It's become sort of a tradition to celebrate a deep run/four figure cash with steaks so I treated Sandmanness, Dunc13 and his girlfriend to dinner at a Glowbal Grill in Vancouver. Hands-down, the most delicious steak I've had in Canada. I may have felt full afterward but I remain hungry for more MTT/TCOOP action. Nom nom nom.

The TCOOP

2012-01-19T02:32:00.001-08:00

We're hours away from the Turbo Championship of Online Poker and it's my goal to play as many events as possible. Most are relatively affordable but I may sell action to play some of the higher stakes, and by that I mean anything over $200.

It's the first time I've been excited about playing poker in a few weeks, which hopefully will lead me to put in a decent amount of hours while I'm still in Vancouver. However, I'm pretty sure I'm still not that eager to grind -- the excitement stems from the possibility of hitting a big score.

Before playing the record breaking Sunday Million where they awarded $2 million to the winner, my roommate and I spoke at length about what we'd do if either of us managed to ship the first place prize. His response? He'd "ball out," buy a brand new car, a whole bunch of other fancy toys, and tear the nightclub up. I wasn't shocked, as that's standard among most twenty somethings who play poker professionally -- to not only live a ritzy, upscale lifestyle but to have enough capital to show everyone around you that you're doing it.

Me? Well, I'm a bit different. The first thing on my mind wouldn't be a car or a house; I'd think about quitting. At the very least I'd set up a permanent home in the United States and give up 'the grind.' I could still see myself taking trips out of the country and playing, but at that point poker would no longer be a career, per se, but a profitable (and enjoyable) hobby.

Am I looking to quit? No, not really. I still enjoy what I do. But for me, the best thing about playing poker for a living is the freedom that comes with it. Obviously I get to play when I want and normally my schedule is flexible enough to accommodate, well, almost anything I can afford. And with close to $2 million in the bank, accruing interest, I'd be freer than ever.

Unfortunately, I don't think first prize in any of the TCOOP events will be enough to push me into retirement. That said, I'm still hoping to bink something that helps me save up for that inevitable day. Hang up the mouse, buy a house.

The Fortune

2012-01-18T03:01:00.000-08:00

I only have 43 days left living in a country where I can legally play online poker yet I can't seem to find the desire to load up games.

I keep hoping I'll wake up one morning and have this uncontrollable urge to start playing, but it hasn't happened so far. The other day I realized I was 130,000 FPPs short of a $4k bonus and thought to myself, "Hmm I better grind so I can get that before I move back to California." But upon further review, what's the rush? It doesn't really matter if I get it now or in four months when I'm in Thailand. It's not time-sensitive like the VPP Challenge as FPPs don't expire.

Sooooooooo how do I motivate myself to play? In short, I dunno. I know I *should* be putting in the hours now because I won't have the opportunity in a few weeks but I'm still experiencing a bit of burnout from playing 12,000+ games in November and December. Plus I'd like to enjoy the last month and a half in Vancouver. Maybe do some touristy things? Definitely want to stuff my face with delicious food which is at odds with my quest for better health and vanity.

Moarrrrrr poutine!

Man, self-motivation is tough. It'd be so much easier if I had to come into work each day out of the fear of losing my job. On second thought, perhaps I shouldn't lament the good fortune to be in such a position where I can take a three week vacation and follow it up with a week long lounge-fest. Never mind. /Complaining.

Oh. The TCOOP starts on the 19th and I plan on playing every event under $200 in hopes that I can bink something. That'll get me back in the swing of things.

The Hypocrite

2012-01-16T04:33:00.000-08:00

Earlier tonight, I made the final table of the $1R 3xTurbo and was hoping to take down the $7.4k first place prize. Throughout the day I loaded 180s/low stakes MTTs and despite only having a few min cashes to show for my efforts, I didn't feel too bad. The thought of being stuck $300 or so made me shrug my shoulders. Then I lost AK to A8, finishing 9th for $378, and...

Within a minute I was out the door, on my way to the gym, doing my best to avoid expressing any disappointment. I've mocked friends of mine for physical outbursts and was oh so close to arriving in hypocrite-town, population me.

How did I feel? Crushed. Physically ill. Angry. I had time to briefly digest my thoughts in between sets and realized how silly it was for me to feel such a way. Yeah, I got unlucky. But I was incredibly lucky to even be in that situation.

With 65 left, I attempted to squeeze with 55 and while I succeeded in making the original raiser fold, I ended up all-in against 66 only to be saved by a 5 on the turn.

With 40 left, I raise-called with A9 BvB for 1/2 my stack (11 effective) and ran into AJ but a 9 peeled off on the flop and I held.

So while I wasn't happy about $380, it feels considerably better than the handful of $20 bills I'd have if I didn't draw out in those earlier hands.

It truly is all about perspective. I mean, the worst thing that happened to me today was that I didn't win $7,000? That's not too bad. Obviously I'd love to have that money but there are so many other things in life wayyyyyyyyyyyy more important than a few grand.

On that note, I think now's a good time to announce that I'll be moving back to California at the end of February. It's only temporary (through June) but it'll allow me to be around friends/family for a few months before I once again leave the U.S. to play poker online. The tentative plan is to move to Thailand with my old roommate, N0Bigdeal but I won't rule out the possibility of going to Cabo or even returning to downtown Vancouver.

The Space

2012-01-11T01:54:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year, everyone!

It's been fifteen days since my last entry, a far cry from 10,000.

I had a fantastic time in San Diego/Vegas and it made me realize how much I've missed being a 'normal' person. In the back of my mind I knew at some point I'd get a regular job/schedule but previously I dreaded such a transition and now I'll embrace it with open arms. I'm not looking to hang up the mouse in the near future, if I had to guess I'd say 3-5 year from now. I'm not even ready to think about what I'll do or where I'll live, but I'll surround myself with people I love and that's more than enough to make me happy.

Now that I'm back in Canada I suppose it's time to start playing again, although that won't be my primary focus over the next two months. During my prop bet, I put poker first and subsequently, my health suffered. It's nothing major, but I'm a little bit softer now than I was in November. Some of that is due to the last two weeks, as I consumed more burritos (9) than I ran miles (1). But even while I was in Canada, I was going to the gym less frequently than usual and cutting those sessions short in order to be sure I earned enough VPPs. So during the remaining two months of my lease, I'm going to put my physical health/vanity first and worry about eating well/exercising more instead of loading sets/grinding games.

Even with poker as a secondary priority, I still plan on playing 90-120 hours. Admittedly I might not make that much during this stretch, but I'm sure I'll be happier -- the other day I told a friend that on days where I eat poorly and lose money, I feel like a complete waste of space. But if I eat well and happen to lose money, at least I can avoid that feeling of worthlessness.

The Finish

2011-12-28T01:00:00.000-08:00

I made it to 200k VPPs. It's over. Done. Complete. Finito.

And it feels...weird. More on that later.

Games: 11,429
Profit: $13,715
VPPs: 72,016.11

Plus I need to factor in the bonuses.

$4k - 250,000 FPP Reward Bonus
$2.6k - 200,000 VPP Milestone Reward Bonus
$410 in BOP Bonuses

Then there's additional money from staking/coaching/videos/cash/etc which is somewhere in the neighborhood of $1.5k. So the total is $22,225 in profit for 50 days of work. Not too shabby. Annnnnnnnd I'm running $1900 below EV.

Right now, I definitely feel a sense of accomplishment. I knew it'd be difficult to earn 72k VPPs in such a short span and I'm proud I was able to stick with it, despite downswings and life-related distractions. I'm relieved I don't have to play another SNG until mid-January. At the same time, err, I might load a few games. What else am I going to do? The challenge has consumed my life over the last month and a half and I've somewhat forgotten how else to fill my days. What do normal people do? Haha. I guess I'll start with a three week vacation in San Diego/Las Vegas and figure it all out once I return to Vancouver. It's a fun problem to have.

Yeah, I'm obviously all smiles right now. If it were earlier in the day I'd go celebrate with a steak but it's almost 2 AM and I'm not settling for a t-bone from Denny's. No sir. I deserve much better than that. GL to the rest of the regulars grinding for milestones and for the low to midstakes STT players, enjoy the abarone68-free games.

The Flight

2011-12-27T04:33:00.000-08:00

On a whim, I double checked my flight to San Diego and discovered that I'm supposed to leave on the 29th. Whoops. Thought I was departing on the 28th. And while that means I have one less day to spend with friends in SD, it also means I have one more day to reach my goal. Silver linings, people.

After learning of my extra day, I found myself significantly less motivated to get on the grind. Dropping $600 over my last 150 games also might have had some effect. Because of that, I only played a few sets today and decided to hit the casino for some live action.

Only brought two bullets with me and I was out of ammo within an hour. First hand, limped J7cc behind 5 limpers and it came J54 with two clubs. Checked to me, I bet $9, three callers, and an aggro lady makes it $65. I tank, eventually ship for $300. Folded back around to her, she snaps and I cringe...until she tables T3cc. Sweet. Turn 10, river 3. Puke.

I actually made a sick soul read/call to lose the second bullet but I still left the casino with an empty feeling. Meh. I know I'll feel better once I finish the challenge and that's what I'll focus on tomorrow.

The Prize

2011-12-23T04:06:00.000-08:00

Good things about this week:
- I've accrued 3k VPPs, leaving me 5400 short of my goal

Bad things about this week:
- Everything else

Haha okay, it's not thaaaaaaat bad. But the past two days have been pretty sick. The red line isn't great, the green is much much worse, and I've had some gross finishes in some of the softest MTTs. Minutes ago, I had AA vs QQ for the chiplead of the $30+3 $6k Guaranteed with 20 left and busted. Not a good feeling.

In total I think I'm down $550-600 ish when I could easily be up $1-2k. But I've got to shake it off and keep my eyes on the prize. In time, the variance will even itself out. Maybe not before the challenge ends, but at that point I'll be too busy having the time of my life to care about such trivial things.

Five days.

The Fan Page

2011-12-22T03:01:00.000-08:00

After discussing it with a few friends of mine, I decided to make a 'fan page' on Facebook. Some of you may already be aware of this as you're reading it from the actual page.

It may not come as a surprise, but at first I was a bit iffy about making a page -- having a fan page means I must have fans. And, well, I'm still getting used to that. The two quickest ways to get famous in poker are to be on television or hit a big score and I'm 0-2. I'm not going to sit here and guess why people have become 'fans' as it'll get self-indulgent really quickly but I will take the opportunity to thank them for doing so.

Feel free to check it out here. I'll be posting tweets, random thoughts, coaching 'specials,' pictures, graphs, news, links to each blog entry, etc.

This seems appropriate.

The VPP Challenge VI

2011-12-21T02:41:00.000-08:00

Almost done.

Games: 1,299
Profit: $3,425
VPPs: 8,097.02

A huge chunk ($2.3k) of this week's profits came from the $25 Hyper MTT I shipped on Wednesday. Maybe I shouldn't complain about running bad since I did ship a high variance tournament, but I'm another $600+ under EV this week in STTs, bringing me to $1700 or so over my last 2500 games. It's approaching 'gross' territory and but I'm hopeful I can make it all up next week.

Despite the numbers for this week's volume and VPPs being down across the board, it doesn't feel like I put in less time. I guess I took a 1/2 day after the MTT win and another 1/2 day to focus on the Sunday 10 Million, but I bet I played as many hours as the previous week. In fact, this was the first week where I neglected the gym -- in the past, I had been running/lifting 5+ days a week. This week? I think I went twice. Wow I just wrote the word 'week' like a bajillion times in one paragraph.

8,400 VPPs left until I can pop the champagne. I could have wrapped this up by Christmas if I maintained my earlier pace but what's the fun in that? Much more fun to give myself a sweat and the sickest part? I'm actually excited about it.

The Priorities

2011-12-18T14:46:00.000-08:00

Just busto'd the Sunday 10 Million yet I'm surprisingly in good spirits. Maybe that's because I'm happy with the play I made and didn't make a deep enough run (Ironic, considering I outlasted 25,000 people) where it would hurt. At no point did I legitimately think I'd ship the $2 million first place prize, even though I spent an hour or so last night thinking about how the money would change my life.

My roommate, David (Sandmanness) was knocked out of the tournament a few moments earlier but he's not handling it nearly as well. After busting, he slammed his mouse down, sulked in his chair, and has now moved the moping party to his room. Before the tournament began, I told him I didn't think he should be playing in it and instead be focusing on grinding games/building back his 'roll. I've been staking him for a few months and I thought him putting $200+ on the line in one high variance tournament was a horrible idea. But he was really excited at the prospect of winning millions and honestly, who wouldn't? I can't blame him, I felt similarly.

What bothered me most about the conversation was something he said towards the end of it. He implied that his parents were almost more enthusiastic about it than he was, as they'd get a chance to watch a big tournament and that'd be much more exciting than the 150+ SNGs he grinds on a daily basis.

That didn't sit well with me. I'm a SNG guy. Pretty much always have been and I don't see that changing any time soon. Are they less exciting than other forms of poker? I won't deny that. But who gives a shit? My bills aren't paid with excitement, they're paid with actual dollar bills. And how do I earn a lot of those? By playing SNGs. I don't play for the rush -- I play because it allows me to live life on my own terms.

I don't mean to disparage the idea of playing poker for entertainment. That's fine. But most people who play for fun aren't trying to make a living out of it and that's good, because a very high percentage of those people would fail. As I've said many times before, being a professional poker player is a job and needs to be treated like one. This doesn't mean you're forbidden from enjoying your work -- but the key word in that sentence is 'work' and the main goal should be financial stability not chasing a pipe dream.

The Promise

2011-12-16T02:14:00.000-08:00

Early Wednesday morning, I woke up eager to start a new 'week.' STTs weren't loading that quickly, so I glanced at the MTT lobby to see if any good ones were about to start.

$25 6-max Hyper

I'll be honest -- I didn't play it because it sounded profitable; I played because it sounded fun. And less than an hour and a half later, I shipped the tournament for $2.4k.

Obviously I ran well (as its impossible not to when you win a MTT) so I guess that that makes up for last week's runbad. I even joked with a few friends of mine that I wouldn't complain about variance until Saturday. So, uhh, what are we going to talk about?

...crickets....

Oh! I know! So in one of my tournament today, I got it in as a 3:1 favorite and lost (Not complaining) and the villain in the hand wrote, "You can put that in your blog." Huh? Is this a theme now? Not sure if my opponents are trying to get shout outs or simply add insult to injury. You want to suck out annnnnnnnnnd berate me? Hmm. I'm not used to this sort of behavior but I know another blogger who is. I'll ask him what to do.

14k VPPs left.

The VPP Challenge V

2011-12-13T15:31:00.000-08:00

Yes, this blog still exists despite some clamoring for me to shove it up my ass.

Normally I'm pretty excited to write weekly review entries because it means I get to post pretty looking graphs and thinly veiled brags. But no, not this time.

Games: 1,496
Profit: $298 (+$80 BOP)
VPPs: 10,466.80

Definitely the worst week of the challenge and possibly my worst week as a professional. Well, scratch that -- I've had losing weeks before but never when putting in this much volume. I still might play another set or two today but if I do, I'll count it towards next week's totals. I told a friend of mine that before this week, I had been running at expectation at for so long that I forgot how it feels to run below it. Well, now I remember. Hold'em Manager shows I'm down $1200 in EV the last 7 days. Yuck.

I do think it's important to point out while I'm disappointed I got unlucky to the tune of $1200, I was only supposed to make $1/game this week -- a number that's lower than I'm used to. Obviously it could simply be variance, but the games are markedly worse right now for two reasons:

1) Grinders (like myself) frantically trying to hit their milestone bonuses
2) PokerStars doubling the cash prizes in its BOP promotion

That promotion ends Saturday so the second reason will soon cease to be an issue but I fear the first will only become more of a detriment. Even so, if that means I'll only make $1/game the rest of the way (16,417.32 VPPs), I'll take it. Plus I'm due for a sick heater and in the words of Bart Scott, 'Can't wait!'

The Zombie

2011-12-12T18:28:00.000-08:00

I've meant to crank out a blog entry the past few days but whenever I sat down to type, I was exhausted and lacked the ability to write coherently. It's been an exhausting couple of days, partially due to quite a bit of runbad but also because humans aren't meant to function on my current schedule -- I've been waking up around 9 PM, working throughout the night/morning, and going to bed in the early afternoon. After I finish this entry my head will hit the pillow, so hopefully that changes soon.

When I decided to push for 72,000 VPPs, I knew that meant I'd be sacrificing equity on a per game basis. Under normal circumstances I can play my 'A' game but having to grind for most of conscious hours ultimately results in sub-optimal play, the 'B' game. Recently, there have been times where 'B' game has felt more like 'Zombie' (Zom-B?) game; My mind simply isn't processing information at the same rate and so I'm falling behind, missing spots, and ultimately making plays that are +EV but not the most +EV. The good news is that I only felt that way for two sets (70 games) although my profits/red line for the past 300 games might make you think otherwise.

I'll reserve the weekly update stuff for tomorrow and finish with this -- earlier today, I had the chiplead in a STT and shoved 74o to 'bubble own' the short/medium stacks. The SB, with 3.5 BBs behind, snapped with 44 and I ripped a 7 off on the flop to win the pot. He then proceeded to call me a 'fking fish' and said quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever read in chat:

"Shove your blog up your ass."

Unfortunately my blog isn't tangible so I'm not sure how to do that but if I shoved 74, I guess I can shove anything.

The Hole

2011-12-09T06:14:00.001-08:00

Initially I wanted to title this 'The Chase' but I used that before in reference to Chase bank when I was in the Bahamas and couldn't get the proper paperwork. That was in May? Man, it feels like a lifetime ago.

Most gamblers are familiar with the idea of 'chasing your losses.' You start out by losing a little bit and increase the betting amount or frequency until you get even or run out of money. It's normally the latter as most games are -EV to begin with, so the goal of running multiple trials to reach a supposed long run isn't really a solid strategy.

But in poker, as long as you're skilled and disciplined, the games are +EV so there's a much better chance to recoup those losses.

It might sound odd, but one of my favorite things is to start a day by digging myself a deep hole and trying to climb out of it. I'm not saying I like losing a bunch of money in my first few sets, but I do relish the opportunity to chase the losses in hopes of a positive day. Today, I got a shot.

After my first 125 or so games, I was stuck $600. I had actually started the day down $400, pulled back to almost even, and then dropped even more. Gross. But I had nothing better to do today than stay on the grind and that's what I did. After another 150 games (and a bit of run good in the $60s), I was able to make a $12 profit.

That's a nice story and all, but the bottom line is I worked ten hours today and made $1.20/hr. There's a 7-11 less than a block from my house and the homeless guy outside probably made way more than me. Maybe I should be bothered by that, but I'm not. It's such a euphoric feeling to just get back to even after being in the red and I was able to make a teeny tiny profit. Woot.

The VPP Challenge IV

2011-12-07T05:35:00.000-08:00

That's right, roman numerals!

Before we dive into this week's results, let's look at the goals I set for myself four days ago.

1) Play 1000+ games (250/day)

Yep. 225+ each of the four days and that includes 300 from today.

2) Make $1719

Well, I made more, does that count? It should. This isn't 'The Price is Right' where I have to come as close to the number without going over, so I'm going to call this one a win.

Feels good to hit goals, especially since I set so many for myself and often lose my passion as time goes on.

Games: 1517
Profit: $2,417 (+$20 in 'refund' credit)
VPPs: 9,437.85

The totals are down again this week, but I took the first three days off. Sort of. Still put in a few hours each day but didn't dedicate myself to the grind like I have the past four weeks.

I'm sure my motivation to play over the first three days had a little to do with that 500 game break-even stretch and thankfully I was able to ship a $3R-180 and turn things around. I hadn't planned on playing 180s, but the games are soooooooo profitable and mixing in a few with my regular games won't hurt.

Now that I think about it, I'm not even sure what my 'regular' games are anymore. When this challenge began, I was playing $7/$15/$30 18-mans. But after a week, I went back to my bread and butter, adding $15/$30 STTs. Then I discovered the KO variation and threw those in. Another week passed and at night my sets weren't full enough so I would load 6-max and 180s. I've even played a handful of Heads-Up Hypers. Oh, and I can't forget regular speed STTs too. Once this is all over and I go back to playing at a normal pace, I'm not sure which game I'll focus on. Maybe I shouldn't pick just one.

But I shouldn't get ahead of myself -- there are about 27,000 VPPs left to earn and I have 21 days to do it. Even at this week's "leisurely" pace, I still would get there. Ahhh I'm three weeks away from freedom. Can't wait.

The Matchup

2011-12-06T04:42:00.000-08:00

I've sat at my desk for the better part of a half hour now, trying to choose between playing one more set and going to bed. I even registered for 10-12 games in the lobby and then found myself frantically clicking 'unregister' at the last minute. What to do, what to do...

Reasons I should play poker:

1) I still need VPPs. And a lot of them. A shade over 29,000. Playing now would knock a few hundred off of that amount.
2) It's been a solid day -- I'm up $850 ish through 225 games. Whenever I get close to $1k profit in a day, I always like to go for it.
3) I'm not that tired.

Reasons I should go to bed:

1) It's 4:50 AM. Once again, I'm in danger of ruining any semblance of a normal schedule. If I stay up now I won't go to bed until 7-8 AM and therefore won't wake up until 3-4.
2) Traffic peaks between 11 AM and 4 PM so I should try to play during those hours.
3) Yes, I made $850 today but according to Hold'em Manager I should have only made $170.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I think 'bed' wins this match-up. If I go to sleep now, I'll be up by noon and be able to put in another 250-300 games before the fourth week of my challenge comes to a close.

The Name Drop

2011-12-05T04:15:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my roommate David went down to Edgewater casino to shortstack $1/$2 NL while I stayed at home to grind games/VPPs. When he returned home later that night, he and I discussed a few hands he played and then revealed an interesting bit of table chatter.

A few players had deduced he wasn't Canadian (his southern drawl, my guess) and they asked him what he was doing in Vancouver. He told them he moved here for work, to play online poker, and at that point another player at the table chimed in.

Random: What games do you play?
David: Sit n Gos, $15s and $30s
Random: Do you know acbarone?

I am not making this up. Somehow, a random player at a $1/$2 NL game knows of me (By my 2+2 screenname, I might add) and just happened to bring it up to my roommate, who has been to that particular casino twice before in his life. What. Are. The. Odds.

I wish I could give more details on how this all went down, but David has quite possibly the worst memory of any poker I've ever met in my entire life. Or he doesn't care enough to relay the step by step process of how I got name dropped. I suppose those two things aren't mutually exclusive.

My initial reaction was "Really?" A combination of shock and pride, I suppose. Feels weird. The random player, by the way, is a 180 man grinder named Alain who follows the blog. He and I have talked briefly over Skype, but after this we made preliminary plans to grab a beer sometime in the near future. The moral of the story -- mention me in public and I'll buy you a beer.

The Gas Pedal

2011-12-03T03:04:00.000-08:00

Since November 8th, I've been incredibly diligent about chasing the 200k VPP Milestone Bonus, putting in 6,000+ games and accruing half of the necessary VPPs.

But three days ago, I took my foot off the gas pedal. It's not that I've given up, as I will still certainly reach my goal, but I'm in a bit less of a hurry to do it. Before, I been 'full speed ahead,' hoping to finish as soon as possible and fly back to California the following day. The question you might be asking is 'What changed?'

Friends of mine in San Diego all seem to be in agreement that the last week of December would work best for them. I booked a flight arriving on the 28th, giving me 27 days to earn 35,000 VPPs and finish the challenge. Yawn. I'm sure I can do that. So now, there's no need to rush. No need to put in 250+ games a day. Instead, I get to relax and spend more time enjoying life. Yeah, this seems like a good decision.

Two days ago I ran errands, last night I went out to a club, and today I spent a few hours playing live at the casino. Nothing too notable happened, except I lost a blind flip for $220 and a race for $175. Still had a great time. It's funny -- I feel I've been lazy the last three days but still played 450+ games over that period. The profit is pretty much non existent, as I think I'm up $50 or so. Womp wahh.

I've got four days left before the 4th week of my challenge comes to a close, and I'm going to set some goals for myself:

1) Play 1000+ games (250/day)
2) Make $1719 (I'd finish with $1 more profit than my worst week)

The VPP Challenge III

2011-11-30T01:28:00.000-08:00

I received a lot of positive feedback on my last entry, but unfortunately this one won't be as profound and insightful. Sorry folks, just a weekly results update.

Games: 1632
Profit: $2,002 (+$170 BOP Bonus)
VPPs: 10, 029.21

I don't like the trend that's emerging -- fewer VPPs earned by the week.

The main focus during this challenge is supposed to be VPP hunting, but I'm struggling with that concept. In theory, it should be easy -- load higher stakes games and not lower ones. Problem is, the lower ones are incredibly profitable and I'm gravitating towards those. While playing 200 $30s and breaking even would be great, in terms of VPP earning, I'd much rather play the same number of $15s and make $300 or so. Seriously, I don't know how rakeback pros stay sane.

I fell off from my 300 games/day pace but I barely played on Thanksgiving, so I'm not too worried. I've been playing less $7s because, well, they're simply not worth my time during peak hours. I can make more $/game (and earn more VPPs) by loading a $15/$30. Yeah, the variance is worse, but I'm playing more than enough games where it should even out. At night, however, the volume dies down and I need to play something.

Good news! I've officially reached the halfway point of this challenge (36,000 VPPs) and am on pace to finish December 20th, which would give me time to visit San Diego before/during Christmas. However, I'm taking a half day off tomorrow and heading to the mall to buy some new clothes, gifts for friends, and recharge my batteries. Maybe a little food court action, too. I know I spent most of my last entry detailing the negative side of playing poker for a living, but the freedom to wake up tomorrow and do pretty much whatever I want is pretty sweet.

The Post

2011-11-28T02:33:00.000-08:00

Earlier today, a poster on 2+2 asked for advice as he plans to play SNGs for a living, or at least 8 months until he starts a 'real' job. I started to craft a short reply and simply couldn't stop. I've decided to post it here, as I think it sheds a lot of light on the difficulties of playing poker for a living and can be beneficial for aspiring grinders (as well as the friends of current ones).

There's so much more to 'playing for a living' than just the finances but obviously we need to start there. When I first started out, I had 6-8 months before law school, no responsibilities, a substantial bankroll, six months of living expenses, and a few thousand game sample.

I don't remember the exact size of the 'roll, but I figure between 3-4k, so that's 200-250 BI for the $16s. At that point I was making 10% ish ROI but it was only through a 4k games, and I knew that I needed a larger sample to know my true winrate. I felt confident enough that I'd beat the games for at least a few % points, enough to live off of. Despite that confidence, I wanted to be sure I wouldn't be out on the street if I suddenly couldn't win. 30/40/50/60 BI downers aren't uncommon in STTs, even among the best players. So I had saved up six months worth of rent/food/emergency money and gave it a go.

Back in college, before I went pro, I'd string a few winning sessions together and think "Man I could do this full-time. Easy." But I look back now and realize I was incredibly stupid. For starters, I had no idea about how depressing/soul crushing the game can be. At that point in my life, I had never woken up one morning and felt sick to my stomach about last night's losses. I had never had a moment (and I still have these, almost weekly) where I question myself and my ability to beat the game. I had never felt the pressure of having to win to pay rent/buy food/survive.

I was lucky and crushed for the first few months of my pro career, but looking back only makes me realize how unprepared I was. Games were super soft but instead of sitting down and printing as much money possible, I'd play for an hour or two, book a huge win, and stop for the day. Winner's tilt, they call it.

Since I didn't play much while I was winning, most of my time grinding was spent losing or trying to chase the money I had lost. It's incredibly deflating. I'd sit for hours and hours, becoming more agitated by the second. I'm sure I started pressing at times, playing worse, and making the downswings last even longer than they were supposed to.

And all the while, I'm sitting alone in my one bedroom apartment. People don't mention it often, but playing poker for a living is isolating. You're cooped up, indoors, alone. Most people meet others at work, you don't. It's a lonely job. And you'll have to force yourself to spend hours doing it. That's a key part right there -- Ask yourself, what's the largest number of games you've played in a day, week, or month? Most recreational players only play when they 'feel like it.' You can't do that. You have to force yourself to play and because of that, your game/results will ultimately suffer. Do you have the mental strength to grind through a six hour session? What about adding another hour after you've broke even for the last six? It is what it is -- a grind.

Somewhat related to the loneliness I mentioned above, balancing women/poker has never been easy for me. Some have hated the profession out of principle, others hated how much time I spent 'playing a game' and felt I was choosing that game over spending time with them. And after writing that last sentence, I realize that it's not just a women/poker balance but a people in my life/poker balance. Even friends of mine have gotten really upset with me because in their eyes, our friendship isn't worth more than the money I'd make clicking buttons at my computer. Obviously that's not true, but it's how they see it and I can't really change that. I've got two friends right now who I haven't spoken to in months and I'm positive that this silent treatment is because they're still miffed about me not hanging out with them. Point being, playing professionally has the potential to fray, if not ruin, your relationships.

I've been doing this for the better part of 4 years now. Most days, I love it. I love the freedom, novelty, intellectual stimulation, and of course, the money. But this isn't 'easy money' by any means. At least once a month I wish I had a real job, one with benefits -- not necessarily medical/dental stuff, but benefits like being able to forge relationships with co-workers, having somewhat of a normal life, and not having to worry about work when I'm off. That's another thing -- people who earn salary are still making money when they're lounging at home or out on the town. It doesn't work that way for me; if I'm not playing/coaching, I'm not making money.

I don't want to live this life forever. For now, it's amazing. But I could see myself, maybe 5-10 years down the road, outgrowing this lifestyle and moving to something more mainstream. Maybe a suit and tie job, probably more like a t-shirt and gym shorts if I had to guess.

The Dinner

2011-11-26T23:15:00.001-08:00

In my last entry, I alluded to my Thanksgiving plans -- a private dinner hosted by PokerStars for VIPs who relocated to Vancouver.

Other than free food, I had no idea what to expect. How many were invited? How many would show up? Five people? Five hundred? No clue. But I was excited about the prospect of meeting other like-minded people, enjoying a nice meal, and taking a break from the daily grind.

David and I arrived early. Too early, in fact. But there was an open bar and with no one else around, we felt it was our duty to keep the bartender company. Midway through my first drink, the Pokerstars VIP Coordinator (Rich) and his wife arrived. Both seemed very nice and not surprisingly, very understanding of the plight of an online grinder. Soon after, others began to trickle in. It's at this moment where I wish I would have taken pictures and written down screennames, but at the time I was focused on having conversations and not doing prep work for this blog entry. Silly me.

Despite not knowing their online handles, I can tell you that I enjoyed the company of everyone at my table. After the first five minutes, any aurora of social awkwardness had completely eroded and it was like any other Thanksgiving Dinner -- good food, interesting discussion, and lots of laughs.

I will say that I was a bit surprised by how 'VIP' my dinner companions were, in comparison. I think David and I were the only two guys at our table who weren't SNE/closing in on it, which made feel like Joey Knish from Rounders. Look at it this way -- So far in 2011, I've paid $30,000 in rake to PokerStars. One of the guys I met at dinner (Michael, a high stakes regular speed SNG player) nearly does that every month. Here I am patting myself on the back for 1800 VPP days and apparently he accumulated 320k in less than 4 weeks. Very impressive stuff.

Again, I want to thank Rich and PokerStars for putting together the event and making us ex-pats feel some sense of home and togetherness on Thanksgiving. Obviously this wasn't something PokerStars had to do, but it further illustrates that their customer support is hands down the absolute best in the business. Now only if they had let me take home leftovers...

The Repeat

2011-11-24T12:43:00.001-08:00

Apparently, I used the title of my last entry once before. Whoops.

This will be a super short blog, as all I want to do is share a picture with the rest of you. My last 500 $15 18-mans have been disgusting.

But stuff like that is bound to happen. Really can't escape variance, can only try to survive it. And I'm the kind of person who wants to survive with a smile on my face, so I made this.

Much better.

The Opportunity

2011-11-24T00:31:00.000-08:00

Last year on Thanksgiving, I wrote about what I was thankful from my parents' house in California. I wrote about being thankful for the warm San Diego weather and now I'm in the middle of Canadian winter. This year, I'm a thousand miles away from home, celebrating my first Thanksgiving in a foreign country, my first without friends and family. Well, I've got my roommate, but sorry David, it isn't quite the same. Last year I wrote about being thankful for the warm San Diego weather and now I'm in the middle of Canadian winter.

Still, this day is about being appreciative of what you have, not remorseful about what you don't. While I don't get to see them as much as I'd like, I've still got amazing friends and family. And even though I'm currently a bit more frustrated with poker than usual, I have to remind myself how lucky I am that I'm still able to play for a living.

Immediately after Black Friday, I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I distinctly remember certain people telling me to quit -- that this was an opportunity to transition into some type of normal job and normal life. I won't lie, there are times when I wish I had more normalcy, but not if that means unhappiness with my career. I do agree, however, that Black Friday did provide me with an opportunity -- An opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and explore the world a bit more. After the hiccup that was the Bahamas, I'm very thankful things worked out here in Vancouver. I'm thankful that even with STT traffic at an all-time low, I've been able to add in other forms of poker and experience similar success. I'm thankful that $2k/week is a bad week and if I want, the following week I can do nothing but eat chocodilles and watch the Steve Wilkos show.

Speaking of which, tomorrow I plan on taking the day off. Err, at least half a day. I've been invited to a Thanksgiving dinner hosted by PokerStars. It's for Supernova VIPs who relocated following the events on Black Friday. I'm really looking forward to this and will definitely blog about it afterward.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The VPP Challenge II

2011-11-22T20:34:00.001-08:00

The second week is in the books, and I am happy to close the chapter on this week and start a fresh one.

Games: 2109
Profit: $1,768 (+$50 BOP Bonus and $225.60 in KO bonuses)
VPPs: 12,570.49

So, uhh, this week sucked. I played more games, made less money, and earned fewer VPPs. What happened?

First, I somehow lost an entire day. Over the last week, my sleep schedule became worse and worse. I kept staying up later and later to finish games and thus I'd wake up even later the next day. I'm nearly back on track now, but there were several days I woke up and wasn't entirely sure whether it was AM or PM.

I'm on a 1500 game break-even stretch in $15 18-mans. I did make close to $3/game in the previous 1000 games, so I'm not surprised the number dropped. My biggest problem is that I'm still not 100% confident in my 18-man game, so any bit of run bad concerns me. Because of this recent stretch, I decided to hold off on the $30 18-mans until my sample rebounds and replace those games with good ol' STTs. While my ceiling may be a tad lower in 9 mans, it's really comforting to know for a fact that I'm making the right decisions. And actually, if my goal is to accumulate VPPs, STTs are better games for me to grind as they finish ten or so minutes earlier than 18s.

Earlier today, I lamented about this week's results and showed the graph to my roommate.

'Absolutely gross,' I said. He rolled his eyes at me and replied, 'You made nearly $2k, shut up.'

Yeah, I did. And that doesn't include the back-loaded bonus money. I don't want to come off as ungrateful; $2k is a lot of money. I sometimes forget that. I forget there are less fortunate people out there who work considerably harder to make just enough to scrape by and provide for not only themselves, but their families as well. I'm extremely thankful and lucky that I can work for a week, make that much money, and consider it a 'bad week.' That being said, I feel like I played well enough to at least equal last week's profit margin and am bothered by 'only' making half as much.

As a whole, I'm proud of myself for continuing to grind, especially through the rough patches. In 14 days I've accumulated 26,426.72 VPPs, leaving me 39 days to earn the final 46,500. However, I'm hoping to finish by the December 19th, which would allow me to visit friends in San Diego before 2011 comes to a close. It'll be significantly harder, but the reward is well worth the extra effort.

The Avatar Bet

2011-11-20T17:23:00.000-08:00

Last month, I made friends with a 180-man grinder (Soomagical) and he proposed an idea -- We both gun for most overall profit in November and the winner gets to choose the loser's avatar.

Initially I was a bit hesitant, as I've never had an avatar other than my current 'Psyduck' and decided against changing it even when all of my old roommates adopted the 'Gluck Gluck' chicken that I designed.

Don't get it? Gluck = good luck and sounds like cluck.

Also, I'd be out of town until the 7th, giving my opponent a decent head start. But once I had settled on VPP grinding, I knew I'd put enough hours in during the last three weeks of the month to crush him. Twelve days in, I've built a very comfortable lead but don't plan on slowing down. It's not that I'm trying to run up the score, it's that I don't want my avatar to be changed to this:

I'm not sure if this is Soomagical's actual third grade photo or just some poor kid who shares the same name, but no, I am not about to let this happen.

The Recipe

2011-11-19T13:19:00.000-08:00

What's the recipe for a heater? Complain.

I made $1200 in my first two sets today. Sure, I dropped $450 or so of it back, but I can rectify that by complaining more tomorrow.

Earlier this week, my roommate and I agreed that if we could make $1k combined by Friday night, we'd celebrate with a drink somewhere. He satisfied his end of the deal, but alas, I could not. So instead I loaded up a set around 10 PM and prepared to grind all night. An hour and a half later, I removed my headphones.

Me: I had to make what, $500?
Him: Well I lost $80, so $600
Me: Cool, I made $700. Let's go.

He and I had different ideas what "a drink somewhere" meant, but we finally settled on a place right next to our complex and chilled there for a bit. If it weren't for the challenge, I'm sure we would have went to a club and stayed out all night, but I'm still motivated to finish this ASAP. Through 11 days, I've earned 21,000 VPPs, leaving me roughly 50,000 short of my goal. If I can keep it up, I'll finish in 26 days, on the 15th of December.

And now for something weird. During my last set of the day, I won a hand as a 3-1 underdog, prompting a random player in one of my games asked if I worked for PokerStars because I "always win critical pots." I joked that I win because "I'm awesome" and he responded with this:

Umm, what? The username checks out. I'm not even sure what he means. I did shove T6o into him for 6 BBs. Perhaps he thought because I don't care about my hand strength that I must have a lot of sexual partners. Read that last sentence back to yourself, I'm rather proud of the innuendo. Anyway, I've heard/read a of of odd things at the poker table, but never has another player commented on my sex life. Well, unless if you count "go f*** yourself" although I highly doubt the phrase was meant literally.

The Request

2011-11-17T11:32:00.000-08:00

Ask and ye shall receive.

Yesterday marked my first losing day of the challenge. I was up, down, even, back up, and back down. Not fun. But I wrote here that I wanted to know if I'd be able to maintain my volume/pace if I had a downswing and I guess I'm about to find out.

Here's a look at my last three days, which haven't been too kind.

And it's not like I've been mixing in more $30s as my average stake is actually lower than the previous week. Upon looking at my $7/$15 stats, I'm currently mired in 1k game break-even stretch. That might be weeks or months worth of volume for others, but I've managed to do it in the last three days. Could it be variance? Possible. Likely, even. But I don't have a sample size large enough to definitively say that so I'm probably going to err on the side of caution and get a few hand histories analyzed by my friend and old roommate, Ben (N0Bigdeal). He crushes the 18s with a considerably different style than most other regs, and by different I mean 'better.' Plus he's cheaper than the other guys, as he accepts payment in sushi rolls and LOLcat pictures.

The Source Code

2011-11-16T07:34:00.000-08:00

It's never fun to completely bomb the last set of the day. Just completely tanked it. It's a really empty feeling to grind all day and lose a huge chunk of your profit at the end.

I was playing while watching 'The Source Code,' a film where the protagonist is able to go back in time to try and prevent a terrorist attack from taking place. After getting coolered over and over again and losing countless flips, I too wished I could go back in time. I wouldn't shove here, wouldn't call there, 3-bet the guy who showed a bluff...

Alas, I do not have that option. Nope, instead I had to stay on that train and get blown up over and over again.

Sorry, I just realized how horrible of an analogy that is -- I compared losing a few hundred dollars at the poker table to suffering multiple violent deaths. Got a bit carried away with the hyperbole, I guess.

The VPP Challenge

2011-11-15T04:47:00.000-08:00

There, I named it. It's not my most creative title, but it'll do.

Today marked the conclusion of the first week and I'm relatively happy with the results.

Games: 2101
Profit: $3,258 (+$60 BOP bonus)
VPPs: 13,856.23

Solid, right? Well, to be honest, I'm a bit hesitant to pat myself on the back because I'm running at 17% in $30s, a number that is highly unlikely to be sustainable. Meanwhile, I'm at 6% in $15s (1000 games) and 3% in $7s (600 games). What does it mean? Probably nothing. The sample sizes are LOLsmall and I expect them to settle around 10-12%.

Ignoring the ROI/profit stuff, I'm vieeeeerrrrrry siiiiiiiiiatesfied. I averaged 300 games a day and nearly 2,000 VPPs, which sets me ahead of the required pace. Plus my first day was a half-day because I didn't get back into Vancouver until 4 PM. If I keep this up, I could theoretically finish in 30 days. Maybe I'll scale back on the hours/games as I get closer to 200k VPPs, not sure yet.

I had planned on busting my ass in November and coasting throughout December, but so far the increased workload hasn't been much of a hindrance on my quality of life. I've still been able to sleep for as long as I want, get to the gym, and go out. Dinners are a bit more rushed and I'm eating while hunched over my keyboard, but that's not a big deal to me. I don't feel cooped up or burnt out, but that's probably due to running good and the "newness" of this challenge. However, the last two days weren't great; I barely booked a winning day on Sunday and had to climb out of a $700 hole earlier today. Both days ended in the black, but that's a sweat shop hourly.

One final casualty I feel like mentioning -- my schedule. I had some normalcy in the beginning, waking up between 10 and noon, grinding for most of the day, and then going to bed around 2-3 AM. But as the week has worn on, I've been waking up later and later. And I'm headed to the gym now, so I won't be going to bed for another two hours. At least. Who knows, maybe I'll load another set after that.

The Birthdate

2011-11-14T03:26:00.000-08:00

When I arrived in Canada a few months ago, I quickly realized I'd need to find a new intermediary between PokerStars and my bank account. When my CIBC debit card wouldn't work, I looked on the deposit/withdrawal options and decided to go with Moneybookers because they first listed first and seemed to be the most legit. While I encountered a few issues in the beginning, the site served its purpose -- I was able to transfer money from my bank account on to their site and move a portion of it to Stars.

In late September, I tried to cash out for the first time and everything went smoothly up until the point where I was asked to verify my birthdate. I entered the information and clicked 'Submit,' only to be informed that the birthdate given did not match the one on file. I tried it again, being extra careful this time, and still no dice. Weird. I figured I must have entered it in wrong upon first signing up, and emailed Moneybookers with a copy of my license, hoping to settle the situation.

Nope.

The first picture, a photo of my California Driver's License, was sent on October 1st and apparently was "too blurry" to be verified. So I sent another. Weeks later, I was told the second picture, a higher resolution version of the first, didn't contain all the necessary information. Seriously? Fine. How about a copy of my passport? On November 4th, I was told the document was "accepted" but they wanted more --

1) Please also send us a full colour copy of an alternative valid identification document, such as your international passport (double page), national identity card or drivers licence (front and back).
2) Please make sure all four corners of the above requested document are clearly visible and that the documents have not been altered in any form or way.

I, uhh, thought I already sent that. But like a good boy, I sent SIX different pictures back to them, three of my license and three of my passport. Surely, that would settle everything.

Wrong.

Today I received this email:

Dear M. Barone,

We thank you for your response.

Please be kindly informed that we have received your documents. We have noticed a discrepancy in the registered date of birth. We kindly ask you to provide explanation.

Please accept our apologies for any inconvenience. Once the explanation mentioned above has been received, the verification of your account may take up to two business days, you will receive confirmation that your account is fully verified. Please be advised that we are legally obliged to freeze your account if it is left unverified.

We thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

Kind regards,

Ivomira
Skrill (Moneybookers)Verifications Team

Err, that's beautiful name Ivomira.

Anyway, if I read this correctly, all that's left for me to do is provide an explanation for the discrepancy. Hopefully "I may have entered the information wrong" will suffice. What other possible explanation would there be?

Honestly, I don't get it -- I understand this is all done in an effort to make my account more secure, but that hasn't happened unless keeping me from my money ensures its security. Considering my spending habits, that might not be a horrible argument.

***Update****

Less than 20 minutes after posting this, Ivomira emailed me back.

Dear Mr. Barone,

We thank you for your cooperation and the provided explanation.

The verification of your account may take up to two business days. You will receive confirmation when your account is fully verified.

Thank you for choosing Skrill (Moneybookers) as your online payment processor.

Best regards,

Ivomira
Skrill (Moneybookers)Verifications Team

Boom? Hopefully boom.

The Printer

2011-11-12T05:41:00.000-08:00

I'm hoping I don't jinx myself by saying this, but since returning home and starting the VPP quest, I haven't had a losing day.

Obviously the more games I play, the more likely I'm going to end up in the black, but at some point I figure my "luck" will run out. So far, it's been quite easy to put games. Granted, it's only been 4 days, but I've been waking up eager to play and remaining in that zone until I fall asleep. But does that burning desire to play come from the VPP quest or do I feel that way because I've been winning?

About an hour ago, I was in the middle of a set and getting absolutely murdered. I looked at the time and decided to stop loading new games, focus on the current ones, and head to bed once those finished. I could justify the decision to cut my session short because it was late/I was tired, but there's only one problem -- I wasn't tired. Unless you count "tired of losing."

Downswings are inevitable. There will come a point in the next two months where I'm losing every flip, bubbling every tournament, and struggling to keep hitting the 'register' button. Right now, this is the easy part. Playing poker for ten hours a day is nothing when it feels like you're printing money. But eventually that printer breaks, or at least it has some sort of paper jam and you feel like going 'Office Space' all over it.

The Pinky

2011-11-11T06:27:00.000-08:00

Ho hum. Another day, another 200+ games. 250, to be exact.

More importantly IMO, I've managed to maintain some kind of a normal life. Not only did I wake up late (1 PM), but I went out for a few hours to grab dinner/drinks. This bodes well for the both the near and distant future, as evidenced by the time-stamp of this entry I'm not exactly on a 'wake up early' schedule right now.

Sleep awaits, and the plan for tomorrow?

The Broken Record

2011-11-10T03:55:00.001-08:00

Today, I broke my record for 'Most games played in a day.' Obliterated it. I believe the previous record was 250 or so, and I passed that around 8 PM. When I offhandedly mentioned it to my roommate, he said "Well you can stop now."

I could. I only need to pay $200 ish in rake per day to reach my goal, which still doesn't have a name. But obviously the more games I put in now, the easier it will be "down the stretch." So after I exhausted myself at the gym, I returned home and played another 150 games for a total of 405.

Games #310-360 look sad

Now I won't say this was super easy, but I was still able to wake up at my leisure, spend an hour at the gym, and take a few breaks to recharge my batteries. So I guess the question I'm asking myself is, "Could I do this more often?" I'm surely going to try. If I kept this pace up, I'd reach 200k VPPs in only 24 days. Yes, it'd be 24 horrible days, but still something to consider if I fall behind pace for any reason.

It's funny -- I've been so caught up in volume that I've been totally ignoring profit/loss totals. Looking at them now, I'm not making much per game ($1.16) but it's a teeny tiny sample and if I can play 400 games a day, that's not too shabby. I fully expect the ROI to go up, although it'll likely settle a bit lower than my "expectation" because I'm forcing myself to put in volume and therefore playing sub-optimally at times.

The Single Step

2011-11-09T02:38:00.000-08:00

Back home and on the grind. I touched down around 2:30 PM and after an hour of interrogation/waiting, made it out of the airport. Unfortunately I'm only allowed to stay in Canada until February 8th so I'll either have to leave early or apply for another extension. Still not sure what I'm going to do, but I'll save that for some other time.

Day 1 of my VPP Challenge is in the books, and I'm rather proud of myself for today's effort. Despite feeling exhausted, I managed to put in 200+ games and earn 1.5k VPPs, which happens to be slightly more than the pace I need to maintain.

Side note: Don't worry, I promise not to update the blog with this sort of thing (Games played, VPPs earned, etc) too often, as I know it can get rather monotonous. Weekly updates, perhaps?

For those of you who don't know, I'll be attempting to earn 72,168 VPPs over the next 54 days in order to reach the 200k VPP Milestone and $6.6k in bonus money. I'm still trying to come up with some sort of catchy name for this challenge and am open to suggestions.

As of last week, I planned to visit friends in San Diego during the first or second week of December, but I've decided to put that on hold to allow myself more time to complete this challenge. It'll be stressful enough to play 200+ games a day, I certainly don't need to up that number (or be forced to play higher than I'm comfortable with). I expected somewhat of a backlash from my friends in San Diego, but so far, every person I've told has been incredibly supportive and I truly appreciate it. I'm still definitely making a trip there in the near future, it's simply a matter of when. Who knows, maybe I'll earn these points fast enough where I'll be able to spend Christmas or New Years in San Diego. I suppose that could also happen if I burn out.

The Rent

2011-11-08T01:48:00.000-08:00

I meant to write during my trip, but I never really found the time to put a full entry together. I wrote a few paragraphs around the 30th when I was back in Santa Rosa and itching to play, but when I finally felt like finishing it, the itch had been scratched -- I had arrived in Sacramento and played live poker at Capitol Casino.

Now, I'm on the eve of my return flight to Vancouver and am only hours away from starting the 70k+ VPP quest. I'll get the official numbers once I'm home and hope to provide frequent updates, but right now I want to focus on something else.

I grinded quite a few hours of live poker this trip and most of the time had at least one of my three Sacramento-poker playing friends with me. One of them called me out the other day for never mentioning him in my blog, so I'm going to make it a point to call him by name -- Nick Santillano. He probably should get more shoutouts as he gave me the basic framework of how to crush limit-hold'em which really helped my improvement in other games. Thanks again, buddy.

While at Capitol, I made a decent amount of money and had not surprisingly, had a fantastic time. However, one particular thing keeps bugging me. During the second to last night, a lady sat down at my table and bought in for $100. I vaguely remember her getting coolered/cracked, and losing most of her buy-in. She re-bought for $60, lost it. Then she reached into her purse, pulled out a handful of small bills and dejectedly laid them on the table in front of her.

"I knew I should have stopped. That was my rent money."

I had to take an orbit off and walk around. She could have been joking, I guess. But given her tone and body language, I highly doubt it. When I play online, I never have to see the consequences of my actions. Rather, the consequences of my victories. I don't have to see that pained empty look. It doesn't make me wonder if I just took food off someone's table. Live poker forces me to acknowledge it.

I've had this discussion with other poker playing friends of mine before, and most say something along the lines of "Well if I don't take their money, someone else is going to, so it might as well be me." I see their point. And I wish it I could feel that way, but I don't. Instead, I have that same pained empty feeling. Booking a few hundred dollar win or loss isn't going to break me, but it might break them. Sure, it's their fault that they chose to 'gamble' in that financial state, but that fact doesn't provide much solace. At least not to me.

Normally this is where I'd write some sort of conclusion that wraps everything up in a neat little bow. Not here. I've taken money from literally millions of people over the course of my career and for the most part, it doesn't bother me. But thinking about what that woman said and how she said it still makes me stomach turn. Maybe she was kidding. I hope so.

The Hub

2011-10-27T04:17:00.000-07:00

I'm coming to the realization that if I do this, my life over the next two months is going to suck. It's not like I didn't already know that, but sometimes I forget how tough it is to put in 10+ hour days. I think to myself, "Oh no big deal, just grind a bit more." But then I wake up late, take a long break, spend too much time at the gym, and suddenly it's 10 PM and I've only put in 60-70 games.

Today, I played 110 games before the last "family" dinner with Ben (N0Bigdeal), Tim (TimmyOx), Ed (Edberg), and David (Sandmanness) as the first three leave Canada the day I return from the U.S.

Good burgers and sassy waitresses

Per usual, I had a great time hanging out with the guys. I'm really going to miss them. I do complain about the poker overload at times, but it's been great to have people around who understand the ups and downs that come with playing poker for a living.

After dinner, I planned on playing for several more hours but then Ed suggested we grab drinks. And while I wanted to put in volume, I don't think I've ever passed up an opportunity to hang out with friends in order to play SNGs and thought "Man I'm glad I played a set instead." So obviously the five of us had a few drinks in downtown and I got back here around 2 AM. I was still able to play another 100 or so games, but I can't afford to do this sort of stuff once November rolls around. I'm already missing the first week plus a week in December. Six weeks, twelve thousand games. I'll probably have to cut back on the gym, relaxing, and other poker related activities like coaching and videos. Yeah I'm going to hate my life.

I don't think I'll be playing much tomorrow, which leaves me 73,000 VPPs short of my goal. I guess I could put in a few sets tomorrow but I've already got so much to do before my trip -- coaching (at noon, ugh), laundry, pack, clean, gym, and pick up TWO jackets that I've left at bars over the last week. I'm such a coat check fish.

The Cellphone

2011-10-25T04:54:00.000-07:00

For the first few months in Canada, I was racking up a hefty cellphone bill. I still had my old iPhone and despite the "all inclusive" North America plan, I apparently was roaming quite a bit. After seeing how much it'd cost me to stay on the plan, I decided to get a new phone.

Annnnnnnnnnnd it's a piece of crap. I know that. Supposedly it's brand new, but I'm fairly certain the product was released in the late 1990s. It lacks games, internet capabilities, and the camera phone is from Polaroid. Okay, I'm kidding about the last part. But it does make phone calls and send text messages which is all I really need. I've had the phone for about a month now and it's doing the job, but the frustrating part is I'm forced to "pre-pay" because I lack Canadian ID/credit which means I have to buy more minutes every month.

Last week, I ran out of minutes and went down to the Bell store to "reload." It was early, at least early for me, and so I threw on what's become my standard pre-shower errand running attire -- gym shorts, hoodie (without a shirt underneath obv), and PokerVT hat. I grabbed the hat at the last minute because I knew at some point I'd have to take the 'hood' off and at the time my hair made me look like a crazy person.

A salesperson immediately greeted me as I entered the store and I muttered 'good morning.' Then, he asked me a question. You'd think that the question would be related to my reason for being in the store, but no. He said, "PokerVT? Do you play poker?"

Oh no. It's too early for this.

Me: Umm, yeah.
Him: That's really cool. You must be good. I heard you guys make a ton of money.

I smiled politely, nodded, and pulled out my little POS cellphone.

Me: Well I did use my winnings to buy this baby.
Him: Uhhhh...

I'm not so sure he thinks I'm good anymore.

The Case II

2011-10-24T02:21:00.000-07:00

Two entries ago, I was considering the idea of attempting to earn 70,000 VPPs over the final two months of 2011. If you'd like, you can read the entire soliloquy here but basically I didn't like the idea of busting my ass 8-10 hours a day, everyday, for an extra $4/hr. One of my readers, an outstanding player in his own right, Alexander Carr, disagrees.

You're looking at this wrong imo, very wrong.

Sure, you are only adding $4.33/hr to your bottom line BUT (and this is huge) you are forcing yourself to play many many more hours of making what? $40/hr? $60/hr?

Let's say you are going to put in half the volume you would if you went for the 200k bonus (which I think is fair), you're looking at giving up probably 12k+ in playing PLUS the 2.6k bonus PLUS 122,500 vpps which is about $2k.

So I think you're giving up like 15k-20k by not going for that extra 2.6k bonus.

Well, umm, he's sort of right. If I didn't give this a shot, I'd probably play around 6,000 games over the next two months. And most would be 180s, where I earn very little VPPs. But to reach 70,000 I'd have to play an additional 6,000 games, all being 18 mans. My 18-man sample is large enough where I feel comfortable speculating about my true ROI, and at the moment I'm making roughly $2/game. Even if I dropped a bit below/ran poorly, I'd be still doing decently well.

6,000 games x $1/game = $6,000
6,000 games x $1.50/game = $9,000
6,000 games x $2/game = $12,000

Right there, that's $6-$12k in my pocket. Plus there's the matter of the bonuses. As I already mentioned, I get $2.6k for earning 70,000 more VPPs. And I'll have earned enough points (245,000) in that time to claim a $4k bonus as well. Suddenly, this doesn't seem like a bad idea.

One problem -- err, two problems. I'm out of town for the first week of November and a week in December, which means I have even less time to make this happen. 12,000 games in 6 weeks seems quite daunting, but I played 213 18s today in addition to 51 180s.

I still haven't decided what to do, but I'm leaning more towards giving it a go. In preparation, I'll be grinding 18s until my Norcal trip on the 28th. My goal is to play 1000 games (earning 6105 VPPs) and then I'll hopefully have a better idea of how difficult this task will be.

The Setup

2011-10-21T01:52:00.000-07:00

So I finally got around to posting pictures of my place and of course, I had to get a shot of the grind-station.

Shortest. Blog post. Ever.

The Case

2011-10-20T03:10:00.000-07:00

I'm lazy.

This comes as a surprise to, well, probably none of you. Several of my past entries chronicle the lethargic attitude that often overcomes me and my struggle to get back on track. Playing poker for a living leads to this sort of thing, as I'm responsible (irresponsible?) for setting my own hours and adhering to that schedule. Of course, some might argue I was lazy before I played professionally and I think they'd have a decent case.

It's been a rough month so far at the 180s/MTTs and unfortunately these sorts of swings are quite standard. In time I'll get used to that but variance has sapped my energy and hurt the volume. I think I'm still around 1,600 games this month, but I should be hitting 3,000 without breaking a sweat.

The real issue isn't my 180 man volume, but the fact that I've completely neglected 9s/18s over the past two months. Yes, 180s are fun/exciting/profitable, but it's silly of me to not play games where I'm making slightly less but at a much more constant clip. Not to mention I'll earn precious VPPs/rakeback.

While I'm on the subject, I'll end the month roughly 70,000 VPPs short of 200,000 and the $2,600 bonus which I covet. Will I get there? Erm, no. Probably not. It's frustrating because if I had two months of my life back (April/May) I'd surely make it, but now I'm looking at averaging 35,000 VPPs per month over the rest of the year.

Mathematically, it's doable. I earn 5.5 VPPs per dollar of rake, so I'd need to pay roughly $13,700 in rake by the 30th of December. That's 12,200 $15 (9s/18s) or well, I, shudder to think about the number of $8/$3R 180s. Could I do it? I'm sure I could, if there was enough money on the line, but $2.6k isn't enough to make me live like a hermit. I know it might seem like a lot of money, but look at it this way -- to play that many games I'd have to work 10 hours a day, everyday, until the end of the year.

10 hrs/per day x 60 days = 600 hrs

$2600/600 hrs = $4.33

Is it really worth $4/hr to put myself through that? Meh, I don't know. I won't dismiss the idea entirely because I still think there's a chance I decide to give it a shot out of boredom. Or maybe if someone prop bet me...

The Half Year

2011-10-18T01:38:00.000-07:00

The other day, a friend pointed out that it's been six months (and three days) since Black Friday. Wow. Time flies.

It seems like just yesterday I was putting the final touches on my 'office' in Sacramento and now, well, I'm more than a thousand miles away, living in a different country. In honor of this thread on 2+2, I thought I'd post a "Then and Now" type blog entry about how my life has changed.

Living Arrangements

Six months ago, I had signed my lease for a 2 bedroom, 2 bath condo in the Natomas area of Sacramento. I had planned to convert the second bedroom into a poker office and bought the chair/desk hours before the DOJ made online poker illegal in the United States. While I wasn't in the apartment for long, I really liked the place and was excited about the upcoming months. I felt I had a great mixture of friends/family in the area that would help provide much needed balance and structure to my life.

Now? I'm definitely unbalanced. My life revolves around poker more than ever. It doesn't help that my roommate (and three other friends in Vancouver) play for a living and I spend most of my waking hours with them. I'm living downtown, paying roughly the same amount I was in Sacramento for my share of a 2B/1BA. Obviously the location is better, but the apartment is smaller and I'm a big fan of personal space/privacy.

Schedule

I didn't really have one. I never got a chance to play online (in Sacramento) because BF occurred only three days after signing my lease so I ended up playing a lot more live poker than I had planned. I can only speculate what my schedule would have looked like, but I know that it would be much less rigid than it is currently. These days, waking up on time is still a struggle, but I'm usually out of bed before 11. After that, I'll grab an energy drink/protein shake/diet coke and plop myself in front of the computer until 5 or 6 o'clock. Believe it or not, I actually prefer having a normal schedule, even if I don't always stick to it.

Games

I was playing mostly $16/$27 STTs. Every once in a while I'd load a MTT or two, sure, but 99% of the time it was 30+ tables of 9 mans. And you know what? I liked it. I know a lot of people don't, but that's probably because they were getting crushed by me. If I were playing those games now, it'd be nearly impossible to get the same type of volume. Some have said that the 9 mans are "dead" but I don't think that's true -- I played a set a few hours ago and the players are still horrible. However, as a mass-tabler I couldn't afford to keep playing them so I moved to a mixture of 9s/18s/45s/180s/MTTs. I'm focusing mostly on the 180s during peak daytime hours but am making a concerted effort to get in 9s/18s at night because doing so is literally printing money.

Finances

I should have started out with this one, if only because I want to make sure I say the following: Despite all that's happened in the last six months, I'm one of the lucky ones. While I had to move out of the country and rebuild a bankroll, many other grinders didn't have that opportunity. I know both Matt (glitlr) and Adam (msusyr24) would love to be in my position but unfortunately they have familial responsibilities that require them to stay in the United States. And I'm sure there are several other Americans playing smaller stakes who were improving their game, a day at a time, with the hope of becoming a professional. Now that dream is on hold and they're forced to return to 9-5 jobs that aren't as profitable, enjoyable, or fulfilling. All that said...

It's undeniable that I'm in a worse financial situation today than I was on April 14th. Of course, I doled out a fair amount of cash after arriving in Sacramento -- A huge chunk went to the government and I spent a few thousand on moving expenses, which included the purchase of couches, bed, and other furniture. At the time, I had around $14,000 on FullTilt and Ultimate Bet and have yet to see a dime of either. Plus I was staking a few players and my funds/their roll also remains frozen. Aside from that money, I'm currently involved in a stake and the player is in for nearly five figures. I'm fairly certain I'll get the money back, eventually, but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't worried about it.

Conclusion

Do I wish things hadn't changed? Very much so. I'd love to be back in the U.S., surrounded by friends and family, playing STTs and live poker. I miss that laid back sort of lifestyle, as my schedule in Canada is much more rigorous. I probably shouldn't use that word because I'm still clicking buttons with my shirt off for a few hours a day, but whatever.

But after the Bahamas fiasco, I don't think I could have ended up in a better location. I like the area, I'm somewhat close to home, and I'm in a position (age/income wise) where I can afford it. My current plan is to finish out my lease through February, spend a few weeks back home, then move to Thailand with Ben (N0Bigdeal) and perhaps open a Spacegravy-like training center for aspiring 9/18/45/180 man players. It's definitely not the life I envisioned, but I'm eager to see where it leads.

The Glamour

2011-10-15T00:05:00.000-07:00

Last night, I told a friend of mine about my recent downswing and she simply responded, "Stop that." I laughed and thought 'if only it were that easy.' Today, it was.

It definitely felt good to book a four figure win after drudging through the past 600 games which didn't do much except make a dent in my account balance and earn a handful of VPPs. So how do I plan to celebrate?

Uhhh, I don't know. I think people imagine my life (and the lives of other poker players) to be much more glamorous than it truly is. Obviously there's a small percentage of us who are making it rain in the club, paying for brand new cars in bricks, and making prop bets for amounts equivalent to a "normal" person's salary. But the most poker players aren't so callous with their cash. Remember, we're the same people who grinded our way up and (for the most part) practiced solid bankroll management so it's silly to think we'd blow a huge chunk on a diamond studded watch.

Let's take tonight for example. I'm about to head out with Sandmanness, N0Bigdeal, EdBerg, and TimmyOx -- four professional poler players who make enough money to "ball outta control" if that's what their little hearts desired. But no, we're not getting bottle service at the club. We're not arriving in a fancy stretch limo. Most of us aren't even wearing shirts with buttons on them. In fact, here's a screen shot of my Friday night as of ten minutes ago.

Video chatting with Tim and grinding the Pokemon. You can't see it, but there's a wine glass in front of my monitor filled with Bacardi and Coke Zero. Ballllllllllllin'? Not so much.

Don't feel bad. It may not be dream life you envisoned it to be, but each morning I wake up happy. Except tomorrow becayse I'll probably wake up hungover.

The Boo

2011-10-13T00:20:00.000-07:00

Well, today sucked.

I sat here for a few minutes trying to come up with some eloquent manner to put that and finally decided it wasn't worth any more of my time. Not that I'm particularly busy at the moment. In fact, I've got nothing to do. Gym? Closed. Food? Already ate. Poker? No thanks.

There isn't really one hand/tournament that made me reach my breaking point, it's more a culmination of running terribly in several final tables. Double digit final tables, didn't finish higher than 5th. More on that later. After dinner, I loaded a set of 9s/18s in a feeble effort to 'reduce my variance' and promptly got crushed. Despite losing a few hundred in those games, there was one part of the set that warmed my heart.

Yes, I 'booed' MachtiSonni. As did a railbird who I may or may not have paid. And it was probably the most enjoyable part of my workday. Obviously it's all in good fun as I've got nothing against the guy -- though I won't discourage other players from booing him mercilessly. :)

But let's get back to the 180s and my frustrations with them. Since I started playing them 'full time' in late August, I've put together a 4500 game sample and am making $2.80/game. Not bad, but more than half my profit came from the first 1000 games. Naturally, it makes me wonder.

Was I just running hot in the beginning?
Did I make that much because regs hadn't figured me out?
Is my true expectation around $2.80 or closer to the $1.80 I've averaged over my last 3500 games?

Unfortunately, I can't know the answers to these questions until I put in more time/games. It's comforting that several 180 grinders continue to tell me about how brutal the variance is in these games and that they'd be shocked if I don't make close to $3/game. But I can't pay the bills with their praises, so it's back to work tomorrow morning. Or afternoon. Let's hope for morning.

The Canadian Thanksgiving

2011-10-11T02:09:00.000-07:00

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving, everyone!

I, like many ethnocentric Americans, had no idea that Canada had their own special version of "our" holiday, in which we spend time with family/friends and give thanks for the things/people in life that we often take for granted. Note: I use a lot of slashes in this post. Not sure why, but prepare yourself.

I wrote about what I'm thankful for last year and will likely do it again when the "real" Thanksgiving comes around in November, but for now I'm going to keep it light-hearted because, c'mon, this one doesn't really count.

So how did I celebrate this monumental occasion? Like it was actually Thanksgiving back home.

For starters, I woke up too late to put in significant volume and decided to not even try. I surfed the internet for a bit, took a shower and headed to the gym, but didn't feel well enough to put in a full workout.

[x] Laziness

Afterward I bought a bunch of food to bring over to Ben/Ed/Tim's house and gorged myself.

[x] Gluttony

While shoveling Pop Tarts, Ritz Bitz, houmous, and pita into my mouth, I watched the Lions-Bears game with Ben/Ed/Tim/David.

[x] Football

Yep, that covers the main points of Thanksgiving.

We grabbed a Thanksgiving dinner of sorts once the football game (and Brewers-Cardinals) ended, then four of us cabbed over to EdgeWater Casino to play live poker. Perhaps my stomach wasn't accustomed to the junk I put in there but for whatever reason I didn't feel great. Only stayed a few hours, long enough to have only a few interesting hands and book a tidy $40 profit.

First hand, I open TT to $10. Fitting, right? I get five callers. Flop is AKT all spades. SB checks, I bet $22, folded to older Asian guy on the button who makes it $45. I call. Turn 6 of clubs. I check, he fires $75. Not having reads sucks. But I'm not about to fold here because he could

a) Be bluffing
b) Value betting worse
c) Still pay me off if the board pairs

So I call, river is the 8 of spades. I check and he sigh checks, turning over 74o with the 4 of spades. LOL nh sir. I add on $200.

An orbit later, there's a straddle and two callers. I make it $22, three players call. Flop J82dd. SB leads for $27, one player calls, I make it $87, and SB shoves for $142 more. Err, I call. Turn 4 river Q. He shakes his head and shows a missed diamond draw.

Lastly, older Asian guy (Mr. 74 off suit) limps, I raise A9ss to $12. Flop comes AQ6 with two of my suit. He checks, I check. Turn 3. He bets $25, I call. River King. He bets $45, I call. He tables K6. :Eyeroll:

At that point I decided to head home, get a decent night's sleep and be ready to grind tomorrow. I probably would have left earlier if seat 5 hadn't been one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in a poker room, but I stayed on the off chance she'd be impressed by my poker skills/looks/personality and strike up a conversation. This may not come as a surprise to you, but I did a horrible job in those departments. For most of the time she was at the table, I was stuck and it follows that my mood wasn't the friendliest. Plus that gray hoodie/wrinkled t-shirt combination I was rocking isn't my best look.

Towards the end I figured out her boyfriend was in seat 4. I want to point out that I figured this out without embarrassing myself (Which is rare for me), relying solely on my 'reads.' What sort of reads, you ask?

1) She smiled at him when they played pots together
2) They spoke intermittently
3) She stood up, stretched, and playfully messed up his hair

Yeah I know. It's not really a good read but more like she turned her hand face up.

The Timeline

2011-10-10T04:12:00.000-07:00

People always ask me what it's like, to play poker for a living. And as best I try to explain it, I can never fully capture the gauntlet of emotions that run through me each and every day: joy, sadness, agony, jealousy, boredom, apathy, frustration, elation, relief. Hopefully this helps. The following is a timeline of Sunday, which was just another day at the office.

9:45 -- Alarm goes off. Time to get up. Well, I'll sleep in just a bit longer...

10:30 -- Ehh, could have been worse. I drag my ass out of bed, grab an energy drink from the fridge, and fall into my computer chair.

10:31 -- I load up PokerStars and stare longingly at the Gameboy Emulator on my desktop. Oh Pikachu, how I want to choose thee.

10:32 -- The PokerStars 'beep' wishes me good morning and I make the mature decision to load games, none of which involve Pokemon.

10:33 -- I throw in a dozen 45 man tournaments because they happen to be lower variance games.

10: 40 -- Ugh, I don't care about either of the football games being shown in my area. Guess I'll be refreshing Yahoo in the background. A lot.

12:18 -- My first cash happens to be in a 180. I check the cashier and see I'm down a few hundred. Good start.

12:55 -- While on break, I check the status of my 45 man tournaments. Huh? I don't have any up? Did I really bust all of them and not get a single cash? Yep. Lower variance, my ass.

1:51 -- I get sucked out on twice at the final table of an $8. After an opponent wins a flip and eliminates me, he writes 'justice' in the chatbox.

1:52 -- I decide to fly to whatever third world country he lives in and murder him.

1:53 -- The table closes down before I can determine which country he lives in. Looks like I won't be committing murder today.

1:54 -- I have a revelation: Perhaps energy drinks make me angry.

2:15 -- My roommate wakes up and puts his hand in front of my computer screen. I give him a "WTF" look, tell him I'm stuck a lot of money and not in the mood for his bullshit.

2:16 -- Roommate tells me that I can't be doing that poorly because I'm HU in a $3R.

Me: I'm down more than a thousand.
Him: Well, ship that and be down $500. *Roommate takes a shower*

2:22 -- I finish 2nd. Fuck.

2:55 -- Roommate comes out of the shower.

Him: Did you ship it?
Me: No, I finished 2nd, but I shipped another one (2:48) while you were in the shower.

2:56 -- I realize how long his 'shower' took and feel uncomfortable.

3:48 -- I really have to pee. Hurry up, five minute break.

3:55 -- I, uhh, don't have to pee anymore? Cool.

4:01 -- OH COME ON. Now I have to squirm for an hour.

4:28 -- Stopped loading games for the day because traffic died down and I only had a few min cashes since winning the $3R.

4:33 -- Defeated 22 other players to win the PokerVT Home Game. Neat.

5:33 -- Apparently for winning the PokerVT Home Game, I get a signed copy of D.N.'s book? Much neater.

5:40 -- Down to my last three tables, a $3, an $8, and a $15, and ITM in all of them.

5:46 -- Sneaked into 3rd in the $15, but not before whining in chat so much that a reg felt sorry for me.

5:48 -- 14th in the $3R, oh well.

5:58 -- Tell my friend to rail the FT of my last game.

6:11 -- Heads-up now, with a 4-1 chip disadvantage.

6:13 -- I win a 60/40 and steal a few other pots to bring us even.

6:15 -- AA < K3ss AIPF. Whatever. Up $300 for the day.

The Emulator

2011-10-09T02:21:00.001-07:00

Remember the first line of my last entry?

It's already the 5th and I've yet to put in a full day of work. I suppose I'm lucky to have that option but I do need to get back on the grind and pronto.

Well, now it's four days later and I've yet to change that. I've somehow reverted back to a horrible sleeping schedule where I'm struggling to get out of bed before noon. It's a combination of laziness, negative variance, a busier than normal nightlife, and uhhh, something I don't want to talk about.

...

Okay fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, I'll talk about it. Basically, I'm a giant dork. I know this, my family knows this, my friends know this, and now you know this. Recently, my roommate downloaded a GameBoy emulator and it reminded me of the fun times I had playing it as a child/teenager. More specifically, I remember playing one game -- Pokemon. My Psyduck avatar probably makes a lot more sense to people now.

So earlier this month, I downloaded the emulator as well as Pokemon Yellow and have been on a quest to become a Pokemon Master. It's a fantastically enjoyable (and embarrassing) waste of time, but the distraction means that I'm putting in less volume and ultimately making less money. Bleh.

Dignity and self respect, go!

A year ago when I purchased a Nintendo Wii, I thought to myself "Oh well it's only $300." I was wrong. The system cost me much more than that, as I found myself playing Mario Kart during times when I'd normally be grinding.

Tomorrow I hope to get back on a somewhat normal schedule. Usually Sundays do that for me, as I force myself to wake up so I can watch a day's worth of NFL action. And maybe it's the ADD, but I can't watch the games without doing something else, which in this case will mean loading 45s/180s or continuing my quest to "catch 'em all."

Please please please pick the right one, Aaron.

The Short Month

2011-10-05T00:59:00.000-07:00

It's already the 5th and I've yet to put in a full day of work. I suppose I'm lucky to have that option but I do need to get back on the grind and pronto.

I haven't done a recap/goals post in quite a while, so now seems like a good time to do it.

September:

I knew it'd be tough to equal the success of August in which I shattered my record for most money made (Hello alliteration!) in a single month, but I wanted to try. I decided to play mostly 180 man tournaments, moving from STTs that have been my primary game since the beginning of my career. It wasn't an easy decision, but I felt I had to try it based on the lack of volume in STTs and my small but impressive sample size in 180s.

I'm not ecstatic about the results, but I know that variance is ever present in these games so I'm not about to make any drastic changes. Ultimately, I'd like to make $3+ per game and am currently higher than that over my total sample of these games.

September also marks the first month in a long time where I didn't coach anyone. I didn't even realize it until I started tallying up my profits and realized the coaching section was blank. Luckily I did make a few videos for PokerVT and murdered the live cash games so I ended the month with a decent total.

October:

It'll be a short month, as I'm headed back to California on the 28th for a wedding and a funeral/memorial. Until then, I would like to accomplish the following:

[ ] 3000 180s
[ ] More $/game (180s) than last month
[ ] 20 hours of live play @ the casino

I'm not putting a checkbox for this, but I'd also like to put some sort of a dent in the amount of money I'm currently owed by intermediaries, poker sites, and fellow players. I spoke with my mom the other night and told her I was owed an 'uncomfortable' amount but didn't elaborate. Let's just say if I had all of the money right now, I could buy into the WSOP Main Event. Twice.

The Escape

2011-10-03T03:46:00.000-07:00

Looks a bit different, eh? Eh? Oh god, I've been in Canada too long.

So Blogger has a new layout feature and I'm still trying to figure it out but soon my page should have a new look. I'm kind of excited about that, to be honest.

Over the last few days I only put in a few hours of work as a friend came to town and helped remind me how much I miss California. Obviously relationships with friends and family play a large role as does the beautiful weather year round, but there's more than that.

In California, poker was a job. In Vancouver, it's my life.

After all these years, I'm still one of those people who love the game. I can talk about interesting spots for hours, watch marathons of televised poker, and still get excited when I make a big bluff or rake in a huge pot.

This is my excited face.

And while I consider myself lucky to love what I do, there are still times where I need a break. In California, I refused to let poker be my sole focus. I made it a point to have other interests and friends who couldn't tell me what made a flop wet or dry.

Now, well, life is different. To continue working, I moved to another country with four other poker players and for the most part, those guys are the only people I know in all of Canada. It's definitely good to have people around that I can relate to, but it makes it significantly harder to 'escape.' A few weeks ago, the five of us went out for dinner and Ben suggested keeping poker talk to a minimum. Fifteen minutes at most. And we couldn't do it. One of us always wants to chat about a hand, situation, downswing, or even something loosely related to the game.

Even if I managed to avoid the topic amongst my friends/colleagues, I find myself having to talk about it to complete strangers. And the line of questioning is almost formulaic.

Them: Are you from around here?
Me: No, I'm from the U.S. California to be specific.
Them: Oh, what are you here for?
Me: I moved here for work.
Them: What do you do?
Me: Fuck!

Note that I'm using that word as an expletive, not the verb. It'd be a much different conversation if it were the other way around.

To be quite honest, it's suffocating at times. Especially in recent weeks. David's been mired in a downswing so when he's not in games, he's questioning his play and looking for advice. I've been in his shoes before and totally understand what he's going through, but that doesn't make it any less draining on me. Luckily I got a bit of a breather over the last few days while my friend was here and only put in three hours of work, so I feel somewhat revitalized. Bottom line -- I need to find some hobbies aside from ingesting copious amounts of alcohol.

The Birthday Present

2011-09-27T05:28:00.000-07:00

It's a few hours past my birthday and I'm coherent, which might tell you a lot about what I did or didn't do to celebrate.

I didn't drink. Not even one drop of alcohol. Once my friends get back into town I'm sure I'll have more than enough opportunities to do that.

I woke up today, late, and took the day off. I grabbed a hot chocolate and strolled through downtown Vancouver, enjoying the cool temperature and light mist. It may have been a bit grey, but to me it was perfect. Ran some errands, stopped in a bookstore, and just took a deep breath and enjoyed the day.

Around 5 PM, I felt like breaking my "no work" policy and playing some $1/$2 because, well, live poker doesn't feel like work. My roommate joked that I should re-consider because there's nothing worse than running bad on your birthday, but I shrugged my shoulders and headed to the casino. Over the next several hours, I had of fun hands, interesting spots, and crazy swings.

The largest hand of the night took place around 1 AM, after I had dwindled to $900. An aggressive lady raised UTG to $12, two players called, and I made it $40 with AA. Five players called the re-raise, including a loose station on my left (in the SB) who had me covered and Sandmanness on the button. Flop came 966 and everyone checked to me. I bet $65 and everyone called. Ruh roh. Turn was a 4 of spades, making a four flush. First two players checked and a limper moved in for $365. WTF. It didn't make sense to me. Why would he open ship a 6 here? No, I don't think he would. Still, Sandmanness was left to act and I was worried he might have one because he doesn't call the flop with that wide of a range. But he folded and after tanking for 30 seconds, I said "Call." Almost immediately, the loose station called behind me. The aggressive lady folded and we were HU on the river, which was a 3. He checks, I value bet $100, and he snaps it off. I reluctantly table my hand and somehow it's good. Shover has Jacks, station has 97o. Boom.

I built it up to $2200 or so, but left with $1600 after a few gross hands. Oh well. Can't really find it in me complain at the moment. Happy Birthday to me.

The Oyster

2011-09-25T23:03:00.000-07:00

Ben (N0Bigdeal) and I went to a MLS game last night and watched 'our' Vancouver White Caps play the Seattle Sounders. I felt a bit guilty rooting for the White Caps (and against an American team) and felt even worse when the Sounders beat "us" 3-1. Oh well. Ben and I drowned our sorrows in 48 ounces of good 'ol Bud Light and some $1/$2 at the casino. Not a bad way to spend a night in Canada.

It seems like I've finally developed some sort of a schedule, after years of acting like Peter Pan. Note that I'm referring to his refusal to grow up, not his affinity for skin tight green pants. That being said, I do believe I could pull it off. Anyway, back to the schedule -- I'm waking up between 10 and 11 AM, playing poker until 5 PM, and then taking the rest of the day off. On some days I'll grind another set or two, but it's nice not having that feeling feel like I need to play.

So what happens when it's a five o'clock world and the whistle blows?

Usually some combination of the following:

1) Gym
2) Dinner
3) Walking/exploring around downtown
4) Drinks
5) Arcade
6) Casino
7) Chill/Watch television

Needless to say, it's been fun and I can get used to this sort of thing. Tomorrow, or more accurately, 38 minutes from now, is my 26th birthday. I'm still in the process of figuring out how I want to spend the day, but the answer surely isn't "grind poker all day." Maybe a small session early, a quick workout, and then...

Well, I'd say that the world is my oyster, but I don't really like oysters. Hopefully those of you who aren't familiar with American colloquialisms know what I mean or can have someone explain it to you.

The High Hopes

2011-09-18T01:45:00.000-07:00

This, this is what I was waiting for.

Off the top of my head, I shipped two $15s, an $8, a $3R, and had a few second place finishes in addition to a handful of min cashes. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee IMO.

Man, it feels good to have a day like that after the past 96 hours. Unfortunately, I don't have much more to add to this entry. I'm still in the process of building a sample at the 180s and until I reach a certain number of games I'm going to be second guessing myself quite a bit. And it's very easy for that self doubt to cloud your judgment.

On the plus side, I see regulars making what I deem to be horrible plays so I have high hopes for my level of profitability in these games. In fact, I expect to be on the Sharkscope leaderboard before this year ends, which is a pretty tall task considering I've only been playing them for a month or so.

I guess these new noise cancelling headphones were worth the investment.

The Headphones

2011-09-15T23:50:00.000-07:00

Swings. They are not fun.

Okay, some are fun.

I don't want to spend too much time complaining, but I do think it's important I at least mention how stressful the last couple of days have been. Yes, there have been bad beats, coolers, and a significant amount of money lost, but it's more than that. I simply am not used to this type of variance and it'll take a few more weeks, maybe even months, until I settle in and accept the fact that every once in a while, I'm going to lose a lot of money.

Not only am I running bad, but so is my roommate, albeit to a lesser degree. It doesn't help that I'm staking him, so not only am I losing money when I lose, but I'm losing money when he loses. And when he loses, he audibly tilts. We play right next to each other, literally four feet away, so I hear him curse, mutter, and slam down mice which only exacerbates my situation. And when he complains about being down $300 while I'm stuck three times that amount, I feel like throwing him out the window.

These are not healthy thoughts, I know that. It's just that I'm so used to playing alone and tilting in the comfort of my own space. It's one of those "If no one hears a tree fall in the woods, does it make a sound" riddles. If I'm upset but no one else is affected by it, then it's no big deal. But there is no doubt in my mind that his behavior inhibits my ability to focus and I need to do something about that. The solution? Headphones.

When I'm playing, I need to have my mind clear and get "lost" in my own world. I only want to be concerned about my action on each table -- I don't want to have to worry about hands my roommate is playing, make idle small talk, or anything of that nature. When I'm running good, all of those things are fine -- but when it swings in the other direction, I feel like I need to have every edge to ensure I'll escape the negative variance as soon as possible. And for what it's worth, I'd suggest he invest in a pair of a headphones too because it's not like I'm a complete angel who never unleashes an angry expletive filled tirade...

The Maguire

2011-09-13T01:24:00.000-07:00

When people ask me 'Why' I chose to play poker, most of them expect my answer to be Rod Tidwell-esque.

But that's not true. If I had to, I think I could transition to a job where I could make just as much as I do currently. At worst, I'd have to tighten my belt for a year or two while I went back to school or worked my way up the corporate ladder.

No, it's not the money. It's the freedom of being my own boss. I don't have any annoying co-workers, I can set my own hours, and on a whim, take the day off. I love it.

But this 'freedom' has caused a few problems over the years, and those problems stem from two main issues.

1) Poker is a game.

I can't argue this part. By definition, it's a game. However, it's also my job. If I don't spend time playing poker, I won't be able to pay bills.

2) People get offended if I choose poker over instead of hanging out with them.

I understand this, to a point. Now if I always chose to work and neglected my friends, that'd be different. I think the real issue is that my friends feel I can work 'whenever,' so I should be willing to hang out with them and put off work until later. But see, this hypothetical later never comes. There's always another friend, a social engagement, or something else that could occupy my time.

Furthermore, even if in theory I could always work later, that doesn't mean I should have to. Imagine if friend of yours told you to take the day off and put in a double shift tomorrow so the two of you could hang out. And then when you decline, your friend gets upset. Whaaaaaaaaat? That wouldn't make sense, right? Right. But because I 'play' poker, there's some sort of double standard applied. And it sucks.

When I was (briefly) living in Sacramento, I spent a lot of my time playing live. Originally that wasn't my intent -- I wanted to grind online and then hang out with my friends, but Black Friday changed that. With locked accounts and moving expenses, I immediately became "poorer" than ever. And the best way I knew to get money was to play cards, so I was at Capitol casino five days a week. Friends of mine who play poker understood my situation, but I fear that the other ones felt like I neglected them.

There were many nights where they asked if I wanted to go drink with them, throw the football around, or chill and watch a Giants game and almost every time I politely declined and went to Capitol. I really wish I wouldn't have been in that situation where I *had* to play, but more importantly I hope I'm merely imagining that our friendship(s) have deteriorated since leaving the U.S.

The Aunt

2011-09-09T02:22:00.000-07:00

I've been putting this particular blog entry off for a few days because, well, I couldn't think of a way to do it without trivializing my Aunt's death.

On Sunday, my Aunt (on my mother's side) died of an apparent heart failure. She had been in rather poor health for quite some time, but her death still came as somewhat of a shock to me.

Growing up, she was a big part of my life, providing me with a shoulder to lean on and someone to talk to when I wanted to avoid telling me parents. I will admit that once I went to college, our relationship strained a bit. Obviously I didn't see her as often, and I'm not that great with keeping in touch via phone calls, as many of my friends in the U.S. will attest to. But despite the drought in communication I loved her very much.

Many people have offered their condolences and asked 'How am I doing?' Knowing that she was in poor health definitely helped soften the blow, as I've been more concerned with my mother's well being than anything else. But when I sit back and reflect on the entire situation, I find myself feeling...angry.

I was supposed to be there. I knew she wasn't doing well. I moved to Sacramento to be closer to my family and because of government interference, I had to leave. In my mind, that's what the U.S. government has taken from me -- time I could have spent with a loved one, time I'll never get back.

A little more than a week ago, I watched the movie 'Wall Street' and in it, the main character says something to the effect of, "I used to think money was the most valuable commodity. Now I realize I was wrong. The most valuable commodity is not money, but time."

To most of you it's probably just a cheesy line, but I can't seem to shake it. It keeps playing over and over again in my head. Sure, I've made a fair amount of money here in Canada, but it's not worth the time I could have spent with my Aunt. Obviously if I knew she was going to pass, I would have stayed in the U.S. for three months. But I can't know. Part of me wants to move back to the states immediately so I can spend as much time around my friends and family as possible. I know it's probably not the prudent/rational choice, but after this ordeal, the thought of losing another person close to me is frightening.

But I don't think that's what my Aunt would have wanted. She had traveled the world for several years before the recent changes in her health and was so excited when she heard I was 'forced' to live abroad. She told me she wanted to me to explore, take lots of pictures, try new foods, meet new people, and most importantly, enjoy the experience. I guess instead of beating myself up for not physically being there, I'll do my best to follow her advice.

Thanks for everything Auntie Jo.

Love,
Aaron

The House

2011-08-31T02:20:00.001-07:00

In the middle of May, I flew to the Bahamas only to run into a series of dead ends. No bank accounts, no apartments, and no one to help us.

A week later, Tim (TimmyOx) and I arrived in Vancouver but struggled to find a decent place. We spent several nights in a ran-down Howard Johnson hotel that smelled like bubble gum and hobos. After scouring enough listings, we found something that would suffice. Admittedly, it wasn't the nicest, but we wanted something right away and signed a three month sublease.

I couldn't help but be reminded of the television show, "2 months, 2 million" where a handful of online grinders attempted to, well, the title explains it pretty well. Our goal, as a house, wasn't as lofty -- over the course of the next three months, we wanted to make $100,000.

We're less baller, but I can guarantee that David is a better dancer than anyone on that show.

David (Sandmanness) started out terribly. Before Black Friday, he had moved to 9 mans and couldn't possibly sustain the same winrate because of the higher rake and lower volume. On top of that, he ran so far under expected value in the beginning he quit that particular game and looked for something else. For a while he tried hyper turbos but couldn't escape the variance. One month and several thousand games later, he was breakeven, through no fault of his own. It was then he decided to play 45-man tournaments and after an initial hiccup, has been crushing ever since. Despite putting in less than two full months of volume, he's up to 10th on the Sharkscope leaderboard (2011 total profit).

While thousands of players (myself included) suffered from FullTilt's implosion, it might have been the best thing that ever happened to Tim. At the time, he was grinding mostly on FullTilt and was forced to move to Stars after they were shut down. I'm not exactly sure what sparked the decision, but he began mixing in multi-table tournaments more often and caught fire. The past two weeks have been especially amazing, as he's made close to $20,000. WP Sir.

Despite the frequency of his ranting, Ed (Edberg) has been the most stable winner in the house. Well, other than that one weekend where he dropped close to $3k, of course. I'm never quite sure how much he's up or down on any given day and most of the time, neither is he. He doesn't check the cashier and just plays. Impressive.

In the middle of July, Ben (N0BigDeal) came to stay with us. And on his first day, he shipped the $16 turbo MTT for $4k. Not a bad start. He had a few more big scores before leaving us in August, but not before he helped persuade the rest of the house to start playing 180 mans.

And that brings the story to me. Like David, I didn't fare to well in the beginning. The games might have been easier, but they definitely had a lower ceiling. Plus I was running bad. I was still able to grind out a decent amount of games/money over the first two months, but I would have been in horrible shape if it wasn't for my poker related investments such as coaching, staking, etc. This past month, however, has been amazing. Over the first half I played mostly 18-mans, mixing in STTs for a change of pace when the lobbies weren't regged out. But my results really improved when I finally decided to focus the majority of my time and energy on 180s.

Did we make it? Yes. I won't go into specifics out of courtesy, but the five of us made well over $100,000. I feel like I'm a considerably better poker player than I was three months ago and want to take this opportunity to thank Ben, David, Ed, and Tim for making this the best Canadian summer I've ever had.

The Elation

2011-08-24T04:15:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official.

I. Love. 180 mans.

Several grinders have encouraged me to try them out in the past, but I've always had trouble moving away from STTs because I felt like I was printing money. Even in a post-Black Friday world, I've been able to maintain a 9% red line over a 4,000 game sample. But with traffic in the games dwindling, I've been looking at expanding my repertoire.

Obviously it helped that on my first day, I ran well and shipped a few of them. And today, I still made a decent amount despite running poorly at my final tables. I'm not sure if the profit margin will be much higher than 9s/18s, but even if I achieve the same amount I'm happy to mix the 180s in for one simple reason -- it's fun.

When I first started playing, everything was exciting. Building a stack? Great. Finishing in the money? Awesome. Winning the tournament? Fantastic. But over time, that feeling of elation has disappeared. I can't remember the last time I got excited about a spot in a 9 man, but in 180s I'm finding myself much more emotionally invested.

I'm fist pumping a lot more often. Perhaps the Tiger Woods comparison wasn't the best idea...

Admittedly, that's not always a good thing. There's something to be said for being able to maintain an even keel and not get too high or too low about the results of a particular hand, but I feel that it's fine as long as it doesn't impact my play.

Now that doesn't mean I'm quitting STTs. My plan is to mass-table 180s during the day and then load sets of 9s/18s at night when the MTT SNG traffic is down. This does give me several more options though, which I believe is a great thing considering the current state of affairs in the online poker world.

The Reasons

2011-08-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

I'm somewhat tilted right now for a variety of reasons.

1) I'm awake and it's 9 AM

I don't think that tells the whole story. The majority of the world is conscious at this time (at least in their own respective time zones) but I'm not used to it. I'd actually be excited if I somehow managed to wake up around this time and live a few days like a normal human being, but that's not what happened here -- I simply haven't went to sleep yet. The last few days my grinding sessions have went well and because of that, I've stayed up later and later each night, to the point where I find myself wide awake at 9 in the morning. I guess I could stay up for a few more hours but then I'll be waking up at midnight.

2) My mouse broke

It actually broke last night, but I didn't feel like writing about it. Apparently I've exhausted its clicking potential, as the left click button has become unresponsive. Sometimes it still works, but I'm really not in a position where 'sometimes' is acceptable. I only had the thing for a few months and was annoyed I had to find a replacement so soon. I settled on a cheap-ish ($30) one because it felt the most comfortable and headed towards checkout. When I got there, the attendant asked if I found everything alright/etc and I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but I didn't. I took the opportunity to whine about my old mouse breaking after such a short period of time. I knew there was nothing she could do, but I just wanted some sympathy. You know, something like "Aww that sucks." Instead, she tried to push some silly 6 month warranty. Uhhh no thanks.

How many clicks does it take to get to the center of a Best Buy to purchase a new mouse? The world may never know.

I've logged a few hundred games with the new mouse and it's 'okay.' I really liked my old mouse and this one still feels a bit weird. Hopefully I'll get used to it soon.

3) The new Hold'em Manager update

It sucks. My roommate rattled off all of the benefits and persuaded (Yes, I'm shifting the blame) me to download the new update to Hold'em Manager. I was a bit skeptical, but decided 'Sure, what's the worst that can happen?'

...

Uhh, now Hold'em Manager won't start. There's a problem with my database, PostSQL-thingy, or, uhh, something else. I don't know. I've been exchanging messages with HEM support but so far nothing has worked. This leads me to #4.

4) No red line

Yeah, okay, so I want to see the red line. I'm like a crack addict with that damn thing. I played a few sets of STTs today and was curious about my 'real' equity. I mean, I think I played fine, but it's still nice to be able to review the games in there. And in my second to last set, I completely bombed and was really looking forward to some red line solace. Alas, I will have none.

5) No green line

Without Hold'em Manager, I'm not sure how to track my results. Sharkscope has been horribly off for a while now, missing 10-15% of games/profit. I think I played 200 games today, but I'm not sure. Could be 150, could be 250. How much money did I make? Not sure. Could be up $150 but could also be down $150. Ugh. Not knowing really bothers me for some reason. I'm normally so meticulous with my results and now I have no way to tell.

The Spoil

2011-08-18T06:54:00.000-07:00

Each of the last three days, I've came awfully close to Tupac-related brags. And today, well, not even close.

I think I made about $150, which isn't horrible, but it just feels somewhat empty. Perhaps the recent run I've been on has spoiled me. I'm currently running $700 or so above EV for the month, which means a soul-crushing downswing has to be lurking around the corner. I'm so sure that I've delayed withdrawing out in hopes to avoid the cash-out curse.

Yes, I know, it's completely illogical. Irrational. Arguably insane. But I'm still not cashing out until I hit a downswing/breakeven stretch.

I guess by that logic (and judging by this entire month) I might never cash out, so I probably should set some arbitrary date/amount.

The Knife

2011-08-15T02:56:00.000-07:00

So much tension in this house tonight. I could cut it with well, you know.

Tim (Timmyox) has been out of town for two weeks, leaving Ed (Edberg), David (Sandmanness) and I to focus solely on the grind. We've went out once or twice, but spent the majority of our nights in front of our computers, clicking buttons.

I wish I could say that it's been smooth sailing, but it hasn't. David started the month off right but gave it all back over two gross days. He's recouped some of it but at the moment is mired in a 600 game break-even stretch.

I'm not quite sure how much Ed is up or down because he blocks himself on Sharkscope, but the other night he said he dropped close to $3k in the past 72 hours. He does happen to play higher than David or I, but I doubt he finds any solace in that.

Sitting in the communal grind room, I'm constantly reminded of their respective downswings. I'm shocked that David hasn't broken his mouse yet, as seemingly slams that thing down each time he suffers a bad beat. He'll occasionally curse loudly too, but it's the sharp sound of that mouse slapping against the table which causes me to look up and break concentration.

Ed isn't nearly as physically violent with his venting, instead opting to randomly yell at his opponent and/or about how poorly he's running.

"What a joke!"

"I run so bad!"

"Rip it right off!"

"Find the fold button fish!"

In text form, the phrases don't seem too bad but when it comes out of nowhere, it's rather jarring. Especially considering that while Ed is physical imposing, he's relatively quiet guy -- to see him go on monkey tilt is part frightening and part hilarious.

Apparently, I'm a different breed. I'll mutter a few things from time to time and even occasionally lash out/celebrate audibly, but I can't remember the last time I exploded like David or Ed. I used to think that the poker world was mostly comprised of people like me who handled the ups and downs with a calm demeanor, but I'm quickly finding out that I'm the odd one.

So while David and Ed have been busy voicing their displeasure over coolers and beats, I've quietly been crushing.

August 1-August 14th

I've spent a lot of time in the past month perfecting my 18-man strategy at the $7s (and mixing in non reggy $15s) so the $/per game is a bit down, but I've put in outstanding volume and had great results. It's weird though, I almost feel guilty. Part of me wants to share my success with the guys, but I know that now's not an appropriate time. Despite how good of friends we might be, it's not going to make them feel any better to know that I'm up while they're down. Deep down I know they're both happy for me, but telling them about 'how good I'm playing/running' is only going to cause resentment and jealousy.

It's such an odd dynamic. Hopefully both of them will string a few good days together and we can all celebrate in each other's run good.

The Outernet

2011-08-14T06:37:00.000-07:00

For the past two days, the internet at my house was down. It wasn't that big of a deal for the first few hours, as I've been working a lot this month and didn't mind the break. Eventually, I was ready to get back on the felt and called our provider, only to hear an automated message about "technical issues" in the greater Vancouver area.

With no end in sight, my roommates and I set out to find places with wireless internet and comfortable chairs. We first tried a Starbucks only a few blocks from our house and it was alright, I guess. I definitely enjoyed the coffee and lemon loaf, but it wasn't worth the spotty internet and uncomfortable wooden furniture.

On more than one occasion I've seen 'ICM' written on the cup. I know that stands for 'Iced Chocolate Mocha' but maybe, just maybe, someone behind the counter is familiar with optimal SNG strategy.

My roommates and I agreed to find a different spot and settled on 'The Dunbar,' a local restaurant that we frequent arguably too often. The stable internet made me feel much more comfortable there, as did the high-top style booth. Plus, I was simultaneously able to eat a relatively healthy lunch and grind. However, once I finished my meal I felt like I was imposing on the staff and thought it'd be best to find a place where we could set up shop for hours, not only while I ate.

Yesterday, my roommates and I checked out several coffee shops on Broadway. I almost felt like Goldilocks -- One of the shops was too small, another didn't have comfortable looking chairs, etc. We finally settled on Blenz, but only after we walked past it in favor of greener pastures. Alas, there were none. Blenz turned out to be fine though; the combination of run good and strawberry-banana protein shakes surely played a role.

I must admit, it was nice to get out of the house and break the monotony. I haven't spent much time enjoying my first Canadian Summer and even though I played from inside coffee shops, I felt like I was actually getting a chance to explore/enjoy Vancouver. I'll definitely do it again some time in the future, but not that soon.

Even though I enjoyed the perks (food, coffee, sunshine, human interaction), the most important thing is the bottom line. From a volume standpoint, playing away from home is a horrible idea. Instead of playing 35-40 games on my desktop, I'm forced into half of the workload because of the smaller screen on my laptop. It's interesting to note that I did post a significantly higher ROI (and EV ROI) during these games, which could be attributed to more time to make non-standard +EV moves. It also could simply be variance, as I'm only looking at a 250 game sample.

Luckily, the internet is back and seems stronger than ever. I stayed up until 7 AM to make up for lost time and now must get to bed so I can wake up in time for "MTT day" tomorrow. Err, I mean today. Let's hope five hours of sleep are enough to recharge the batteries.

The Good Life

2011-08-11T03:00:00.000-07:00

I didn't plan on writing an entry tonight, but after conversing with a two other poker players, I felt like I had to.

Both of them believed that I was in some sort of depression, and generously offered to help me in any manner possible. Upon hearing that, I furrowed my brow a bit. Depression? What depression? But then I looked at my last few blog entries of mine and I now understand their concern.

In those entries, I wrote about snapping at randoms, finances becoming tighter, isolating myself from others, and even ending the blog. Yeah, so, maybe those aren't the most cheerful topics. It's funny, I didn't feel like negativity was so prevalent until I saw it.

I guess recently I've only been using the blog as a form of tilt control. I used to mix in amusing anecdotes that are (usually) related to poker and I've somehow gotten away from that. And it's not like I haven't had anything to share -- Over the last month, I've found myself in several situations I could have written about, most of them involving me explaining to people why I moved to Canada which ultimately turns into a discussion about online poker.

Since I arrived in Vancouver, I've admittedly lost touch with quite a few people back in the states. Because international rates are outrageous I've kept the texting/calling to a minimum, so even really close friends of mine are only able to keep up with me through social media and this blog. Judging solely by the last few entires, it definitely appears I'm in some sort of funk. Good news -- I'm not. Sure, the minor annoyances can get to me from time to time, but I wake up each day in a happy, healthy state of mind. I think I've finally settled in and adjusted to my new life.

Originally, the plan was to live out my the three month lease in Vancouver and re-evaluate. After that, I wasn't really sure. Europe? Thailand? Maybe even back to the U.S. for a bit? But because I fell in love with the area, it was easy to sign a lease to live in downtown Vancouver through the end of February. The downtown lifestyle will surely be a bit more distracting than the suburban one I'm currently living, but distractions aren't necessarily a bad thing.

In short, life is good. Welcome.

The Isolation

2011-08-09T05:01:00.000-07:00

While poker is considered a social game, for me, it's gradually became more of an anti-social activity.

Sure, I started out playing home games with friends, but at that point in my life the game was secondary. I definitely wanted to win, but having fun and hanging out with friends was a victory in itself. Transitioning to the online world meant sitting alone in a room, talking to myself, in hopes of being better able to focus. Most people have jobs where they can fraternize with co-workers from time to time, and at least have some sort of human contact to keep them sane. I didn't. Until I moved to Vancouver, I'd venture to guess that 99% of the time I worked, I did it alone.

When I arrived here, my roommates and I bounced around the idea of having a communal work station -- some sort table large enough to house our respective computers. It sounded fun. But within a week, I had moved back to my room.

Isolating myself had a positive effect on my game, as I found myself more focused. I was no longer burdened by others tilting/celebrating around me or having to make small talk while playing. Instead, I could play music and not have to worry about the volume level or if it was irritating anyone else.

My roommates continued to grind in the communal area and to be honest, I was a bit envious from time to time. Part of me wanted to share in the camaraderie and I felt a bit left out in my room. One night I brought my laptop into the living room so the guys could sweat a deep run of mine, but I unceremoniously busted minutes after sharing the news.

Last week, David (Sandmanness) bought a DVD player so he could watch movies while working. I liked the sound of that and decided to give the communal area another shot. So far, so good. David and Ed do interrupt my focus from time to time, but that's been worth the human interaction. In fact, I'm finding myself putting in significantly more time at the tables because poker has nearly turned back into a social activity. But before I put too much stock into the results, it's important to note I've been running really well and yet to experience the soul-crushing side of variance. Once I do, I can only imagine I'll want my space and return to the friendly confines of my room.

The Therapy

2011-08-02T04:01:00.000-07:00

I'm still here, still playing, still blogging.

More than a few people contacted me about my last entry and I want to say 'thank you' to each of them who encouraged me to continue. While I'm obviously hesitant to include certain details of my life, I find writing to be very therapeutic and don't plan on stopping any time soon.

Earlier today, I posted a picture on Facebook that caused a bit of concern and thought I'd explain it here.

No, I'm not busto. Would the French spell it 'busteaux?' I'd like that.

I took this screenshot (after withdrawing a considerable amount, adding a new stake, and loading a complete set of games) because I thought it'd be amusing. Normally I try to keep 150+ buy ins in my account and should be back to that comfort zone if I continue to play/run well. And even if the cards don't fall in my favor, I'm looking at a $4k bonus in two weeks. Until then, I should have more than enough to play comfortably.

The End

2011-07-27T01:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think about ending this blog.

Five years ago, I started writing here to provide myself with an outlet for my poker related ramblings. In some ways, it was an attempt at compartmentalization -- I knew that not everyone wanted to hear/read about poker or more specifically interesting (to me) hands, bad beats, and general thoughts. And perhaps more importantly, having this blog allowed me to vent without it ever affecting my personal life.

Now, things have changed. I almost feel hamstrung by my audience. No longer can I write with complete freedom.

I don't mean to sound like I'm "big time," because I'm not. I'm just a guy whose job garners a bit of intrigue. But because of that intrigue, a lot of people read and/or follow this blog. A fair share of those are fellow poker players, but the majority of readers are people I know in real-life: friends, family, acquaintances, etc. To illustrate that point, at a bar in San Diego on my 25th birthday, I was introduced to a friend of a friend and the first thing he said was, "Hey man, love your blog."

At the moment, I'm staying in a house with four other poker players, each of whom read my blog from time to time. One even asked if/when I'd write an entire entry about him (Soon Ben, soon). Roommate drama isn't some new concept, but I do think it's interesting in this case because a fair amount of revolves around poker. And even the stuff that isn't directly poker related obviously has an effect on me/my game. But can I write about that? Not really. Maybe in some vague, indirect manner. If I actually wrote without a filter, conflict could arise, feelings could get hurt, and it'd make for quite an awkward living situation.

It's not this bad. Yet.

If the only issue was possibly offending a few people, I might be able to get past that. Heck, I've written entries before ridiculing well-known professionals and mocking people in my own life. But there's another component that makes me want to bite my tongue; Whenever the tone of a post is frustrated, somber, whiny, or contemplative, my mother calls me and asks if everything is "Okay." I appreciate that. Really, I do. But it only makes me feel worse. Remember, the reason I started this blog was to keep that part of my life separate. I didn't want to bother my friends and family with the emotional swings. I didn't want them to worry.

Now when my mother calls, I find myself having to reassure her that I'm fine, both fiscally and emotionally. It's not like I'm talking her off a ledge, but the fact that a son is 'having difficulties with his gambling' won't sit well with any mother. At times, I really wish she didn't know how dark and alone this game can make you feel.

I'm due for another phone call if I end the post like that, so I'd like to say that today went much better than the previous few and I'm excited to wake up tomorrow and load up more games. In fact, I'd do it right now if my right eye wasn't this bloodshot. Don't worry Mom, I'm fine. Really. I just need to get some sleep.

The Struggle

2011-07-25T03:31:00.000-07:00

The last five days have been brutal, but I didn't notice it until today.

I've been playing a lot of 18-mans and after doing reasonably well in the beginning and middle of the month, I've hit a 400 game break-even stretch. I suppose it wouldn't bother me that much if I knew I was playing optimally, but I'm still second guessing myself in some spots and it's very difficult to not be results oriented. For a while, I was so happy to rid myself of that pesky red line and now I'm wishing I had it back.

My 9-man volume has fell off a bit, and it doesn't help that the red and green lines move further apart each time I play a set. Part of the reason my volume has decreased is obviously due to my new found appreciation for two table SNGs, but also because I've noticed the games have become much more "reggy" in recent weeks. It's likely just a coincidence, but the number of regs increased immediately after I wrote that blog entry about the ceiling in $15s.

Aside from SNGs, I've made it a point to mix in more MTTs. Unfortunately, the results couldn't be much worse. Each of my roommates have had four figure cashes in the past week and I'm growing frustrated with my lack of success. I'm not going to list the individual beats/coolers, but I will say I feel like I haven't ran this bad in a long, long time.

The worst part is that I'm finding it difficult to celebrate my roommates' big scores. It's almost a 'misery loves company' sort of thing. It doesn't feel good to watch someone else bink a big score while I'm mired in a soul-crushing downswing. I'm ashamed to admit a small part of me is incredibly jealous and while I'm not rooting against them, I'm definitely not rooting for them as hard as I normally would.

That combination of jealousy, bitterness, and angst is not 'me.' It's the effect this stretch has had on my psyche and until I can shake it, I'm running way under EV as a human being.

The Strap

2011-07-20T05:13:00.000-07:00

It's 5 AM and I don't feel like sleeping just yet, so I might as well write another blog entry.

For the first time in a while, I feel "strapped" for cash. I was trying to remember the last time I had such a feeling, and honestly, I can't remember. This might be the first I've ever dealt with financial "hardship" which is pretty impressive for a 25-year old who frequently splurges on things he doesn't need and hasn't held a real job since, well, ever.

I umpired little league baseball games, does that count?

It all started in late March, as I pulled myself away from the computer to spend more time with friends. I was leaving San Diego in early April and knew that I'd cherish the moments hanging out with people I'd miss much more than if I was to use the time to play online. So I spent the majority of my time with them (I don't regret it, fwiw). Right before leaving, I met with a financial planner and put away a large sum of money for my future. Once I arrived in Sacramento, I incurred all sorts of expenses that come with moving. Plus, I had made the decision to buy all new furniture, which in hindsight wasn't the greatest idea. I signed a one year lease on April 12th (a lease I'm still paying for) and three days later, Black Friday. And the day before? I sent out a check to the U.S. Government to pay for my taxes.

I needed to leave the country, but relocation costs money, especially when you do it twice in one week. The Bahamas experiment didn't work (at least not for now) and after a week of living out of a Canadian hotel, I finally found a place. Whew. Things were starting to turn around -- I could finally generate income again, and then...FullTilt was shutdown.

I keep hearing that I'll get the money back eventually, but having five figures frozen between FullTilt and UB makes my finances a bit tighter. Plus, I staked several players who don't have access to our money because of the legislation. On top of all that, two of my roommates are in much more dire financial straits at the moment and I'm doing my best to help them both out.

All that said, let me make one thing clear -- the sky is not falling. Even if I never see a dime of my money in frozen accounts, stakes, or roommate-related loans, I'll be fine. I may have to cut back a bit on some of the luxuries I've grown accustomed to, but I'm sure it'd only be temporary until I grind back the 'roll. Is it ideal? No. Baller? Obviously not. But it's something that has to be done and I'm rather proud of myself for being able to withstand a perfect storm like this.

The Snap

2011-07-19T21:35:00.000-07:00

In the middle of today's first set, another player berated me.

It's not that abnormal, sadly. Poker is a competitive game where large sums of money changes hands and that combined with the anonymity of the internet makes the virtual felt highly charged. I usually ignore it, shift my focus to the other thirty five or so tables, and move on.

But today, I snapped.

The hand itself isn't that noteworthy. Five-handed, I opened my 18 BB stack on button to 2.5x with pocket deuces with the plan of folding to the SB (21 BBs) and calling the BB (9 BBs). SB folded, BB shoved, I snapped, and won the flop against his AK.

Afterward, villain chatted in the rail about how horrible my play (both individually and collectively, I presume) was and I didn't respond for a bit but he kept going and I eventually said something to the effect of "Sorry have to focus on these other tables." When he continued on about how I'm 'clueless,' I said "Yeah, that's why I'm a coach at PokerVT." Ugh. Shouldn't have done that. I immediately regretted it, as it not only does it make me look bad, but it makes PokerVT look bad. In addition to a 'Don't tap the glass' policy, I don't try to teach other players at the table." If someone thinks you made a horrible play but you know it's the right one, let them blather on and on but don't say a word.

If this were a live game, I might have considered going for the diving elbow drop. R.I.P. Macho Man.

Interestingly, the player proceeded to look me up, apologize, and rail several other games of mine in chat to ask me poker-related questions. I was a bit taken aback by this, as I expected him to, well, I don't know what I expected but certainly not that.

The Debate

2011-07-18T03:13:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since my last entry and the main reason is because I hit somewhat of a rough patch and didn't really feel like talking/writing about poker.

Profit wise, the results were still good.

July 10-14th ($15 STTs)
Games: 513
ROI: 8.6%
Profit: $660

Nothing incredible, but decent. What brought me down was that pesky red-line, which was 5% lower than my actual profits. Yes, I'm complaining about running over expectation. I know that sounds weird (it is, to some degree) but that's just how I operate -- I try to think in the long run and not let short term fluctuations affect my mindset.

Part of the red line variance is self-induced, as I've been implementing a few new tactics that are extremely helpful in accumulating chips, but look disgustingly bad when I get caught. For example, in one game, I lost nearly 4 buy-ins of equity. Ewww. It's turned around in the past few days and I'm back to what I assume will be my EV ROI (10%+).

It's not uncommon for me to go through similar stretches where I try to shut myself off from the poker world. It's much more difficult to do when I'm living in a house with four other professional poker players and I keep reading Facebook/Twitter updates about the WSOP, but ultimately I'll do my best to put my focus elsewhere and avoid games, blogs, and forums.

Speaking of forums, I recently got into a debate about a bubble hand on 2+2. I don't have too many posts on there, but I do check in from time to time to offer my two cents and see if I can pick up any useful information.

Poker Stars, $2.71 Buy-in (100/200 blinds, 25 ante) No Limit Hold'em Tournament, 4 Players
Poker Tools Powered By Holdem Manager - The Ultimate Poker Software Suite. View Hand #9968502

BB: 3,935 (19.7 bb)
Hero (CO): 2,565 (12.8 bb)
BTN: 3,225 (16.1 bb)
SB: 3,775 (18.9 bb)

Preflop: (100) Hero is CO with K K
Hero raises to 450, 2 folds, BB calls 250

Flop: (1,100) A 5 8 (2 players)
BB checks, Hero checks

Turn: (1,100) 2 (2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets 600, BB calls 600

River: (2,300) A (2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets 1,490 and is all-in, BB calls 1,490

I won't recap the entire thread as you can read it here, but the two most contentious parts of the hand are the preflop and river play.

The Landscape

2011-07-11T05:05:00.000-07:00

The SNG landscape has undergone quite a change in the past few months.

The events of 'Black Friday' have had a profound effect, as traffic is down. It's easy to say that's due entirely to regulations imposed on American players, but I believe the player pool from other nations has shrunk as well because of the fears long associated with online gambling. Now, not only do the 'fishier' players worry that the games are rigged, but that even if they do win, they might never see the money.

As a mass-tabler, less traffic is bad for me.

Very very bad.

Not only does my hourly at the tables decrease, but I get less rakeback too.

To make matters worse, PokerStars changed its SNG structure a little more than a month ago. The old "$16s" are now "$15s," "$27s" are now "$30s," etc. The actual buy-ins stayed relatively constant, but the rake was increased for low stakes games. Obviously, paying more rake isn't a good thing. Some players are naive enough to think "Hooray more rakeback" but paying a higher percentage to the house means that your overall edge/profit margin will be lower.

There is some good news though -- I'm comfortable saying that the $15s are softer than their predecessors. Last year, I ran at 8% ROI in the $16s and my post Black Friday stats have me at a shade under 11%.

Why are the games softer?

I think it's due in large part to the American market being shut out. For the last year or so, $16s were "regged out" with 3-4 winning players in nearly every game. Many of those regulars were American and now are forced to leave the country or find a new job/hobby. While a few (like myself) have relocated, it simply doesn't make financial sense for the majority of them, as they were making somewhere between $10-$20/hr. Furthermore, even the regulars who were already living outside the United States seem to have either left STTs for other games or quit poker altogether. I'm so used to seeing Sippin_Criss, Yogadude, and Envision9 in the lobby, but that's no longer the case. In fact, of the top 20 players on the Sharkscope leaderboard for 2011 Total Profit ($5-$15 Turbos), in the last month I've only played with three of them.

Will I move on to other games, too?

Not yet. My pre rakeback hourly is a few dollars less than last year, but not enough to make me change games. I do plan on incorporating more types of SNGs into my sets, such as 6-max, HU, 18-mans and 45-mans. MTTs too.

Basically, the legislation in the U.S. is making me become a better poker player. I'm forced to learn new games, adapt, and find other ways to print money by clicking buttons.

The Beard

2011-07-07T06:40:00.000-07:00

Man, this sleep schedule is going to be the death of me.

I've always been a bit of a night owl, but recently it's become much worse. In the past few days, the earliest I've went to bed is 6 AM. The earliest! So that means I'm waking up a lot in mid afternoon or even after the sun has gone down. I suppose it's like working graveyard shifts, but remember I'm someone who has never had a real job in his life.

Speaking of not having real jobs, a few hours ago fellow PokerVT Pro Brian Rast won his second bracelet of the 2011 WSOP. Congrats, Brian. I wrote about him before when he and I played $5/$10 NL in the PokerVT game, but I'll say it again -- the guy is a phenomenal player and sitting at the table with him was somewhat frightening. Of course, the beard might have also played a role.

The Fourth of July

2011-07-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July! Happy Belated Canada Day!

I took part in a 'Canada Day' celebration on Thursday, but at the risk of sounding ethnocentric, July 4th kicks the shit out of 'Canada Day.' Keep in mind, however, that I'm basing this decision off the mediocre fireworks display and the lack of inebriated adults in the vicinity. If there's one thing we do well in the U.S., it's get obnoxiously drunk and light things on fire.

All kidding aside, I'm having trouble finding the enthusiasm to celebrate July 4th. This year, I'm spending my first July 4th abroad -- and it's ironic that the only reason I'm here is because I wasn't allowed to excercise my freedom to play poker in the United States.

It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife

The First Month

2011-06-30T18:47:00.001-07:00

With only a few hours left, I think it's a good time to recap my first month in Canada as a professional poker player.

STTs (FullTilt):
Games: 848
Actual: -$1.90
EV: +$649.33

It'd be a much prettier graph if I removed the super turbos, but I'm not about to hide the variance. Also, let's ignore the possibility that I'll never see a dime of this money. Since I ran so poorly, technically I didn't lose anything except theoretical dollars. Oh, and 25 hours of my time. Thankfully, I did do well at the HU Super Turbos (Unfortunately my HEM lacks a red line for these)

HU Super Turbos (FullTilt):
Games: 812
Actual: +$776.70
EV: N/A

STTs (PokerStars):
Games: 2429
Actual: +$336.93
EV: $1601.69

There's something wrong with this graph too. Nearly 1800 of the games are hyper turbos, and Hold'em Manager isn't tracking the red line correctly -- in every game that I don't cash, it counts my equity as negative, which basically means my red line should be much higher than showed. I'm still crushing the "$16s" though, with 11% EV ROI (and 1.3% green).

STTs (Total):
Games: 3070
Actual: +$335.03
EV: +$2251.09

My $/game is down, as is the VPPs/FPPs I'm earning per month, but that's because I've been playing so many low stakes hyper turbos. And even though I'm making less per game, I'm still making roughly the same amount per hour. Or at least I should be, if the green line ever decides to catch up with the red. And if I extrapolated this sample over an entire month (I only played for about two weeks), I'd be on pace for five figures.

I'm very lucky (and grateful) to have other poker-related streams of income to help me during downswings: instructional videos, coaching, staking, live play, and bonuses/rakeback added another $4000 ish. So while I'm not thrilled with this month's results, I'm fairly confident that a $10k July is around the corner.

The Monopoly Money

2011-06-30T07:20:00.001-07:00

There's a lot on my mind right now, which means I've got several things I can potentially blog about. I could talk about how poorly I've been running in Canada ($2500 under EV) and the lingering thought that I made a mistake by coming here. Or I could write about how it is to live in a house with other poker players and the positive/negative effect it has on my psyche. I did happen to spend the better part of last week in Vegas, and I've got a lot of stories involving poker, liquor, and good times -- that'd be fun to recap.

But alas, those subjects will have to wait. The most pressing issue at the moment in the poker world is the FullTilt fiasco. If you haven't heard, here is an excerpt from EGR Magazine.

The Alderney Gambling Control Commission (AGCC) has suspended Full Tilt’s licences, requiring the poker room to suspend all operations from the jurisdiction with immediate effect.
The AGCC said in a statement this morning: “The decision to suspend these licenses follows a special investigation prompted by the indictments unsealed by US Attorney General’s Office in the Southern District of New York on April 15th 2011, during which grounds were found to indicate that these licensees and their business associates were operating contrary to Alderney legislation.

Not good for FullTilt and not good for players like myself who have hefty chunks of their bankrolls on there. I attempted to withdraw last week and it was still 'processing' as of this entry. Well, needless to say, I won't be holding my breath. Including the money on Ultimate Bet, I've got five figures frozen and there's a good chance I won't see that money ever again.

Thankfully I play mostly on Stars so I can continue to try and support myself, but others out there aren't so lucky. My roommate, Ed, for instance, now has to change sites and find a way to get a bankroll since his FullTilt account is basically Monopoly money at this point.

There's a topical pun to be made here, but being awake at 7 AM really stifles my creativity

The Diversification

2011-06-17T05:22:00.000-07:00

Today (or yesterday, as I'm posting this at 5 in the morning) marks my first negative red-line day in Canada.

I know that it's mostly meaningless but it still doesn't sit well with me when I was "supposed" to lose money. Since I've only had my account unlocked for 9 days, I've yet to put enough games to truly tell how different the games are. My roommate (and a fellow 9 man reg) is convinced that the games are softer, but I'm not so sure. It's no secret that the traffic is way down, and while it's partially because several regulars are no longer loading sets, the total number of players has decreased as a whole, which means less fish.

If the low/mid stakes STTs are in fact dead, I'll have to mix in other games. So far this month, I've been doing just that, playing heads-up, hyper turbos, super turbos, six max, and even a few MTTs. I'm most intrigued by the hypers on Stars and hope that Hold'em Manager's next update is able to import/track them properly. At the moment, the software will only show positive equity (i.e. I was supposed to make money) in games that I cashed, which makes the red line significantly lower than it should be. In fact, most of the games from today are hypers so I'm running even worse than the picture suggests.

Despite all of the run-bad, I feel great as I'm getting back into my gym routine and am optimistic that the upswing is just around the corner.

The Riot

2011-06-16T03:59:00.000-07:00

This post is less about poker and more about, well, my new surroundings. After putting in a quick set of Hyper STTs, my roommates and I headed downtown to watch game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals between the Boston Bruins and 'our' Vancouver Canucks. But to be honest, none of us really cared that much about the game -- We were more interested to see what would happen afterward.

In case you missed it, Vancouver was demolished by Boston, losing 4-0. David had predicted a riot would break out if the Canucks were to somehow lose the series after being up two games to none, similar to what took place after they lost in 1994.

Moments after the game ended, David and I were meandering around Granville St. in the heart of downtown, curiously looking out for any signs of restlessness amongst the 100,000 deep crowd. We heard a few loud drunken yells and noticed a scuffle or two, but nothing could have prepared us for what we saw when we walked up Nelson St. People held their camera phones up and had formed a large circle. At the time, we couldn't tell what was going on in the middle. As we approached, I noticed the glass windows of several businesses had been shattered. A twenty-something year old man attempted to kick in another window, was shoved by another member of the crowd, and subsequently decked with a right hand. David pointed towards the middle of the circle, where a man was waving his hands and standing on top of a car that had been turned over. Several cars on that block suffered the same fate, others a worse one as they were lit on fire.

Once the riot police showed up (with tear gas and rubber bullets, both of which were used on the crowd), David and I made hasty exits. My other two roommates, Tim and Ed, were stuck in a bar for nearly an hour until the tear gas subsided. I suppose they were kept in there to serve some sort of crowd-control related purpose, but apparently the ruckus wasn't over when they were released.

Yes, that's Tim in front of a real life dumpster fire.

The Lemonade

2011-06-15T02:31:00.001-07:00

Today marks the two month anniversary of what the online poker world dubbed, "Black Friday." I had hoped there would be an immediate response, by either PokerStars, FullTilt, the hundreds of thousands of grinders, or the millions of U.S. citizens who were being denied the right to play poker in a country that openly boasts about it's freedom and opportunity. But aside from people clamoring to get their money off the sites, there was barely a whimper.

Two months ago, I thought I had figured things out. I had found myself a nice place to live in Sacramento and was in close enough proximity to my family/old friends where I could see them on a regular basis. For the first time in a while, where I was felt like home.

That all changed on April 15th.

I had to decide if I was going to leave behind everything and everyone I had ever known in an attempt to continue playing online poker. It seems silly, I guess. A few friends of mine hinted that it would have been a good time to hang up the laces, so to speak, and find another vocation. I don't quote Rounders often, but I'm reminded of this quote.

That's the safe play. I told Worm you can't lose what you don't put in the middle. But you can't win much either.

I had no desire to find another job. None. A friend of mine asked me if that was because I was still interested in 'chasing the dream' (by playing online poker). I told him no -- most of the time it feels like I'm not chasing anything. It feels like I've caught it.

Life is finally back to normal for me, or at least as normal as it's going to get. My accounts are unlocked, I'm back to work, and I'm acclimating to the country/culture. It's really not that different, but for whatever reason I still feel somewhat out of place. And I'm not sure I'll ever be able to shake that feeling.

When I've thought about 'Black Friday' and the impact it's had on on my life, I've done my best to see the glass half full, as in I've been given an amazing opportunity to live abroad. And that's 100% true. But if that's what I've been "given," it's also true that the opportunity to be around my friends and family has been taken away from me. I nearly titled this blog entry 'The Anniversary,' but decided against it because April 15th is not a day that should be celebrated. It was truly sad day for not only American players, but for the citizens as well. So instead I went with 'The Lemonde," because when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. Or you say "Fuck the lemons" and bail. Now that I think about it, that phrase might be more appropriate. :)

The Tweet

2011-06-12T04:53:00.001-07:00

So it had been more than a week since I spoke with a representative (Carlos) from PokerStars about unlocking my account and I kept waiting, patiently, for it to happen.

Days passed by and still, I remained locked out. Tim (TimmyOx) had his account unlocked. David (Sandmanness) also had his reactivated. And both of them submitted their documents after mine. In the meantime, I played on FullTilt and ran about $1k below EV. All the more reason for me to get back to PS.

I didn't want to bombard support with emails -- I fully trusted them to get back to me when the situation was resolved (Years of A+ customer support) and thought frequent contact might come off as annoyance/frustration and lead to them purposefully delaying the process. Eventually, I became annoyed and frustrated enough to send an email. The response I recieved (in record time, mind you) was totally standard. I must have deleted the email, but it said something like:

Dear abarone68,
Blah blah blah. We are doing our best. Lots of requests. Your account is in the final stages. We'll let you know.

Sigh. Okay.

A few more days went by and a friend joked that I should tweet Daniel Negreanu about it. I mean, it couldn't hurt. Around 11 PM on Thursday, June 8th, I tweeted:

Hey @RealKidPoker can you help me get my Stars account unlocked? There's a fancy bottle of Crown in it for you.

Only a few hours later, my account was magically unlocked. Coincidence? If Daniel confirms, I'll buy him the bottle. If not, well, I guess he can still have a shot.

The Sundaes

2011-06-06T05:21:00.000-07:00

Late last year, a friend of mine got married and I gave him an ice-cream sundae set as a wedding gift, complete with an ice cream maker, recipe book, cups, spoons, bowls, and all the necessary ingredients. My favorite part of the gift, however, was the card where I wished them well and wrote, "May all your days be sundaes."

The impetus for the wedding gift; two grown men finding it perfectly acceptable to spoon-feed each other another patron's leftover gelato.

Sunday used to be the day when I'd sit in front of my computer, grind multi-table tournaments, and hope to bink at least one big score. It was the only day of the week when I ever felt like I was 'chasing the dream,' so to speak.

Playing poker for a living can appear glamorous, but only a very small percentage of professional poker players can afford that lifestyle and even fewer actually live it. Not me. I mean, I do fine, financially. I'm not about to go busto anytime soon and thanks to my efforts on the felt, I've been able to build myself a decent nest egg for the future. But that's due to Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. On those days, I grinded. On Sundays, I chased.

And now? Well, things have changed. This past Sunday, I spent several hours grinding. I didn't load MTTs. Didn't even consider it. No, now is not the time to chase dreams but to be practical. To put in volume at games I know I can beat, build back the 'roll, and try to recoup all of the DOJ/relocation related expenses I've been forced to incur in the past few months.

I don't even want to think about the possibility that all my hard work will be for nothing, but that will certainly be the case if FullTilt isn't able to pay its players. Nope. Won't even address that right now. It's 5 AM and if I want to get any volume in tomorrow, I need to get to bed.

The Delay

2011-06-05T03:27:00.000-07:00

I really should blog more, given that I'm not totally swamped here in Vancouver and that several other players looking to re-locate are probably interested in the things I have to say, not to mention friends and family who wonder how I'm doing.

For the most part, Canada is fantastic. It's taken me some time to get used to a few things (celsius, kilometers, loonies, etc) but the weather is temperate and the people are friendly. I like it. It's amazing to me, however, that I can feel 'at home' one minute, almost as if I was in the United States, and the very next minute I'm jarred back into reality that I'm in a foreign land.

A brief example --

I was at a bar with Tim a week ago and after I handed the bartender a $20 (for one drink), he gave me back a handful of coins. Uhhh, I thought that couldn't be right. The drink was only a few bucks. But apparently the smallest bill is a $5 and Canadian currency uses $1 and $2 coins in place of our (American) bills. Weird.

When I'm not walking around aimlessly, I've been playing on FullTilt. I keep hearing people tell me how much the games have changed, but I'm reserving judgment as I have yet to put in a significant enough of a sample to definitively say one way or another. I'd prefer to be playing on PokerStars, but that's not yet possible. Despite submitting my documents before my roommates sent off theirs, my account is locked and theirs are back open. Tilting. I fired an email to PokerStars earlier today, after nothing had been done for two days. They assured me that my account is under review and refused to discuss the specifics that led to the delay (and/or what helped Tim and David get their account issues resolved much faster).

I'd obviously like to play on Stars ASAP as I made most of last year's income from their site, but in the meantime I can survive with a mixture of 9 mans (Turbo, Super Turbo) and HU (Super Turbo) on FullTilt. Tomorrow, err, today I suppose, is Sunday and I plan on putting in a big day of grinding. Life is so close to being back to normal.

The Upd(eh)te

2011-05-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

Things are looking up.

On Friday, Tim and I moved into the new Vancouver-poker-FU DOJ house. It's not the nicest place we looked at, but it's relatively cheap (for being furnished) and allows us to get our accounts unlocked sooner rather than later. A new roommate, David Wood (Sandmanness) arrived after a lengthy interrogation at the airport. Tim and I had our own difficulties at the border, but thankfully we're all here in Canada now, and can smell the finish line.

Tim had his FullTilt account unlocked last night, actually, and now I'm simply waiting on a phone call from PokerStars to re-activate mine. Unfortunately, we'll also need to figure out the problem we're having with our phone -- And as soon as I wrote this, the representative from Shaw Cable/Internet/Phone called me and helped fixed it. Sweet! Just emailed PokerStars and I'm literally minutes away from being back. Hear that? It's the sound of 239,444 players groaning.

**Just got off the phone with PokerStars and answered all of their 'account verification' questions. The representative told me it might take a few days, but let's hope he's wrong.

The Headache

2011-05-25T02:55:00.000-07:00

Sometime over the next few days I'll have an hour to sit down and write about the adventure that has been the last two days, but right now I've got a splitting headache and want to keep this entry relatively brief.

Cliff Notes:
- Made it into Canada
- Currently staying at a hotel
- Hopefully signing the lease to our new place tomorrow
- Still haven't secured bank accounts

We're a bit behind schedule because my car was broken into the first night, literally hours after entering the country. Welcome to Canada, here's a smashed window! I took it to the closest auto body shop earlier today (Canada was effectively closed on Monday) and shelled out $300 to fix it. Ugh.

It could have been a lot worse though. At the time, I had all of my computer stuff in the backseat, along with a folder filled with 'vital' documents, an expensive suit, and roughly $500 in cash. None of it was taken. Instead, the burglar made off with a small suitcase containing a few t-shirts that I didn't plan on wearing anyway. Enjoy those t-shirts, buddy!

The Chase II

2011-05-20T17:14:00.000-07:00

Looks like I'm forced to write this blog entry in notepad as wi-fi isn't offered on this flight. How airlines haven't figured out that internet is something I'd overpay for is completely beyond me.

I'll probably post this entry when I'm chilling in the airport during my two hour layover in Charlotte, North Carolina, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Today, the four of us went down to the bank for one last shot at the apple. No dice. On top of being completely ignorant about the concept of a referral letter, representatives from Chase Bank were extremely unhelpful in this process.

First, I was told that such a letter did not exist/was not offered by Chase. Then a different person told me I could get them but I'd have to physically walk into a branch in the United States. When I questioned him further, he admitted that he wasn't sure if it was true because he doesn't know the inner workings of Chase branches and merely handles the phones. Well buddy, thanks for encouraging me to spin my wheels a bit longer and drop $1k on flights for no apparent reason. All I needed from them was a single piece of paper telling the RBC (Bahamas bank) that my account was in good standing and I had been with them for x number of years and they couldn't comply. Not surprisingly, I've decided to withdraw all of my money from their bank as soon as I get settled in...

Canada.

A little less than three hours ago, I boarded a flight from Nassau to Charlotte and am about to take a second flight from Charlotte to San Francisco. From there, I'll head home for a day, recharge my batteries, and drive north towards Vancouver. The weather isn't nearly as nice up there, but easier access to apartments, bank accounts, and civilization as a whole definitely makes up for it. I'm not sure the entire 'Bahamas Crew' will be joining me, but Tim is 100% committed and Ed is nearly a lock. Another STT grinder, David, is probably in as well.

I've only told a few people so far, and all of them have asked me, 'How I feel' about the whole situation. I'm not really sure. Part of me wishes we could have made this work, at least for a few months, because experiencing a Summer in the Bahamas would have been an amazing life experience. I was only there for three days and I had already seen so much. I can only imagine how great it would have been to play poker by day and live the 'island lifestyle' by night -- not to mention I'd get a pretty sweet tan.

On the other hand, I'm not too broken up about leaving. The difficulties we experienced in finding housing, opening bank accounts, etc left a sour taste in our mouths. On top of that, I couldn't shake the sinking feeling that we were being treated as second class citizens; perhaps it's the same feeling that people of color have in certain predominantly white areas of the United States. I might come back, someday, but for now I'm excited about the future and can't wait to head north.

The Chase

2011-05-19T22:42:00.000-07:00

I wish I had some sort of finality to share with you, but that's not the case.

Another busy day in the books and I'm still unsure if I'll be living here on Sunday. This morning, we signed the lease to our new place, contingent on being able to open bank accounts at a local branch here in the Bahamas. To do so, we had to have the following documents:

1) ID/Passport
2) Lease
3) Referral letter from previous bank

Obviously the first part was no sweat, and I thought the second and third wouldn't be much of a hurdle either. I was wrong. Tim, Ed, Ben, and I drove across the island to meet with the landlord and get her to sign the lease in hopes we could still rush to the bank before they closed at 3 PM. We made it with a few minutes to spare, only to have the teller inform us that the lease wasn't valid because it wasn't "sealed."

Sealed? What? We had no idea that was a requirement. Neither did our agent. We hurried over to his office to get the document sealed, but he didn't have the seal -- another person had it, at another location several miles away. So we drove over there. By this time, the bank had obviously closed but it really wouldn't have mattered; even with a signed lease, I couldn't have opened an account today, which brings us to the third prong.

Before I left for the US, I consulted not one but three -- THREE -- Chase branches about the referral letter. All of them -- the one in Sacramento, the one in San Diego, and the one in Santa Rosa knew nothing about such a letter.

When I told them what basically had to be written down, each basically refused to write it and told me the best that could be done was a bank statement showing my activity and a supervisor's signature. I figured it'd be fine, but clearly it wasn't enough. So I can't acquire a referral letter and the bank(s) down here won't let me open an account without one which leaves me in a tough spot. Without a bank account here, I can't unlock my PokerStars/FullTilt accounts, which effectively means I won't be able to stay here for much longer.

I'm not the only one jumping ship. Tim, Ben, and Ed have been running in circles the last week (through no fault of their own) and are rather disheartened with the entire ordeal. Ed and Tim might actually be able to open accounts down here, but Ben (he also has Chase) and I won't be able to and without our contributions to the rent, none of us will be staying down here.

Earlier tonight, the four of us were able to sketch out our future if the bank thwarts my final efforts to open an account. I'm getting up early tomorrow to plead my case, but I'm not holding my breath. I'd like to say that I'm crossing my fingers, but after discussing our contingency plan, I'm not quite sure what I'm rooting for.

The Deprivation

2011-05-18T23:56:00.000-07:00

Wow. This will be a long post.

For starters, I'm operating on almost no sleep. I arrived around 10 AM local time and wasn't able to fall asleep before we had to meet up with the leasing agent. Unfortunately, the agent recused himself from the situation, basically leaving us to fend for ourselves. You see, in order to have a bank account, we first need to have a residence. But if no one rents to us, we're SOL.

We bypassed the real estate agency and met with the owners of the house directly, but found that their terms weren't favorable in the least. We'd have to put up $9500 to live for two months, all of it upfront and if something went wrong, we'd lack the legal recourse to recover our funds. So there we were, without a bank account, in a foreign country, living out of a hotel. The situation looked bleak.

One of my roommates, Ben, has to go back to the U.S. on Friday and told us that he was 'out' unless we could get everything in order by then. To make matters worse, Ed was beginning to have second thoughts about the entire ordeal and we had began to discuss contingency plans. Tim recommended a final real estate agent as our ultimate hail mary.

It's too premature to say that we've succeeded, but at the very least I can say the pass is complete and we're streaking towards the end zone. We were shown a 3 bedroom place in Cable Beach, which should do for now. It's not the nicest place in the world, but it's affordable, in a safe area, and within walking distance of grocery stores, restaurants, and bars.

However, there still might be a few defenders to beat. Tomorrow, we're supposed to meet with the agent, secure a copy of the lease, bring it to the bank, open a bank account, sign the lease, and then we'll have the place by Saturday morning. Yeah, still a lot of hoops to jump through.

We're optimistic, but there's still a good chance that we won't be able to make this work. And if it doesn't, we'll be looking at relocating (again) and starting the process all over again.

The Gate

2011-05-17T23:22:00.000-07:00

We're supposed to be boarding in 10-15 minutes, so this blog entry might be a bit short. I'm currently sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to the Bahamas. Well, Fort Lauderdale and then the Bahamas. Semantics, really.

I'm hoping they'll have Wi-Fi on the plane. No, I'm praying for it. If not, I think I'm going to go insane. I can't sleep on planes. And I didn't bring anything to read. Maybe I'll use my 'one-time' on this. Maybe not.

So this is it. This is the first sharp turn my life has taken and it's time for me to sit back and enjoy the ride. It's fun, awkward, nerve-wracking, exciting. It'd be more of those things if I wasn't fighting a cold at the moment, but I'm not about to let a few germs keep me down. Runny nose or not, I am ready to start a new chapter.

The Control

2011-05-10T02:26:00.000-07:00

On account of 'Black Friday' and moving to Sacramento last month, I've found myself playing a lot of limit hold'em. A lot.

I'm making less per hour grinding live games than I would be online, but the money is decent and I've found the work to be mostly variance/stress free. Not today.

Today, I dropped nearly $500 in a $4/$8 game, which is extremely hard to do when, well, you're so much better than the players you're up against. I don't mean for that last sentence to sound too braggy, but oh well -- over the last few months, I've become an outstanding limit hold'em player and for whatever reason, tonight was not my night.

It happens. There's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Playing live has a disgustingly negative atmosphere, where anger, despair, hopelessness, and ignorance exist at incredibly high levels. Despite all of the beats I've taken, I've prided myself in maintaining a calm demeanor and not 'tilting.' Not today.

I had been getting slaughtered for the entire session and on the last hand, I said "I'm done," grabbed my chips, and hastily walked away from the table. Compared to the card-throwing, foul-mouthed tirades of others, it isn't that bad -- but by my standards, it's horrible. I'm a professional and I should act like it. 'Bad beats' are part of poker, especially in a game that encourages players to stick around until the river.

I'm not happy about losing $500, but I'm more disappointed that I wasn't able to control my emotions. The money isn't anywhere close to life-changing and it's not a significant hit to my profit margin over this last month. I know I play well enough to get it back. But that respect I had built, a respect that comes from acting with honor, maturity, and grace, might take a bit longer to recoup.

Honestly, I'm not sure any of the players or dealers will even recall what happened except that I left in a hurry and my 'outburst' could be described as mild at worst. But that doesn't matter to me because I will remember. I think I'll spend tomorrow trying to work on tilt control, which means lots of time spent at the gym.

The Notice

2011-05-04T00:19:00.000-07:00

Less than three weeks after moving in to my new place, I turned in my thirty days notice. In something perhaps only I find amusing, I attached my "New tenant inspection" form to the document -- As soon as I finalize the 'in,' I'm on my way out.

.
Pay close attention to the "Reason for Moving" section

Obviously this isn't how I figured things would work out, but I'm embracing the change as best I can. I'm being presented with an incredible opportunity that will not only allow me to keep doing what I love, but do it in a beautiful area of the world and live a life that most people can only dream about.

Over the last few years, I've repeatedly mentioned that I could work from anywhere in the world, but I can honestly tell you that if it wasn't for something like this, I don't think I ever would have ventured far outside California. By making poker temporarily illegal, I'm forced to go outside the borders of the United States, experience the world, and grow as a person. In less than a month, I'll do just that.

The Free Membership

2011-04-28T13:44:00.001-07:00

A little more than a week ago, I headed down to the nearest gym and talked with a representative about getting a one week pass to try out their facility. I liked it. Staff seemed friendly and it was equipped with rows of cardio machines, an extensive free weight section, and even a smoothie bar.

When I arrived there yesterday to work out, I didn't realize that my week trial had expired. Whoops. One of the staff members directed me to the sales office and I asked about buying a month's membership. In the course of filling out paperwork, it came up that I was leaving for the Bahamas in a month and played poker for a living. From that point on, I was treated like a celebrity.

Him: You play poker? No way? That's all you do?
Me: Yep.
Him: That's sick man.

One of his co-workers with whom he shares the office asked me if I had any tips I could share. I recommended some basic things and told him if he was interested in more, I actually offer coaching. After another minute or two of poker-talk, the representative handed me the month pass.

Me: Cool, so, how much do I owe you? It's $49 right?
Him: Nah man, don't worry about it. I got it.

I love my job.

The Abstract

2011-04-23T22:02:00.000-07:00

Went down to the City Clerk office in Sacramento on Friday to get my passport and apparently the birth certificate I have is an 'abstract,' so I have to wait until Monday and bring back a certified copy. I thought I could come back the next day, but the lady behind the counter reminded me that the government office is closed on Saturdays. Of course it is.

I haven't bought my ticket yet, but my friends have theirs and leave two weeks from Monday. I'll be a bit behind them, as the passport will take 2-3 weeks to be delivered, but I'm fine with that. Hopefully by the time I get on a plane and head for Nassau, they will have already secured a house with working cable/internet.

The news of me leaving the country in forty or so days has reached most of my friends, mainly thanks to social networking and word of mouth. I've only spoken to a few of them, as the 'plan' has been in a state of flux over the last couple of days and is finally starting to crystallize. Their reactions mirror mine almost exactly -- Shock, excitement, nervousness, intrigue. Being forced out of the country was never my preference, but moving to a tropical paradise? I can't think of a more silver lining. While I'm still a bit uneasy about the situation, I feel like I'll look back on this in say, 1-3 years, and realize that this governmental interference was the best thing that ever happened to me.

The Bahamas

2011-04-20T13:25:00.000-07:00

Earlier today, the DOJ reached an agreement with PokerStars and FullTilt to allow U.S. based players to withdraw, but no word on how soon we can play. Still, it's a step in the right direction and hopefully the start of legalization/rectification.

Unfortunately, I have no idea whether it's a big step or a baby step. And I can't wait it out. It's possible that I could sustain myself without online poker and rely more on coaching, instructing, staking, and live play, but I'd have to work much more often to do so. I even considered becoming a live "prop" player at a local casino but I don't think that's the lifestyle I want to lead.

So now what? Well, it looks like I'll be moving to the Bahamas.

It's no Sacramento, but I guess it looks alright

Nothing is set in stone yet, but a few friends/poker colleagues are on board with relocating there and we're in the process of figuring out how to open bank accounts, finding a house to live in, and arranging other travel related details. I personally still need to get a passport, so it'd be 3-4 weeks or so before I leave Sacramento.

That's fine by me, as it gives me time to put my stuff in storage (I'm only taking two suitcases with me), find someone to take over my lease, and hang out with friends/family before indefinitely leaving the country. GG America.

The Limbo

2011-04-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

As I drove home from the gym last night, I spent the entire time brainstorming for this blog entry. I turned the radio down and just started talking to myself. Boy, did I ramble. Fifteen minutes later, I realized I had missed my exit and had to turn back around.

I spent the entire weekend trying my best to not think about the current blackout, but I couldn't help it. Hopefully something will be resolved in the next week -- obviously I'd like for online poker/cashouts to be reinstated, but at this point I'd love news that forces me to make some sort of a decision. Right now, all I can do is be patient. All I can do is wait.

The last few days have felt really empty. I wake up, earlier than usual, and then have no idea what to do. The last time I felt like this was immediately after I finished my second semester of law school -- I had spent the last four weeks in a library, trying to learn/cram as much as I possibly could and all of a sudden, I had nothing to do. No schedule to follow. I was relieved to be done with school, but at the same time, I felt like there was a void in my life.

How did I try to mask that current feeling? I've spent a fair amount of time at a nearby casino, but playing live only reminds me of how much I miss playing online. I'm so used to 40-tabling in the comfort of my own home, and being forced to single table is arguably worse than not playing at all. But hey, I had heard Bodog and Ultimate Bet were still available, so I loaded them both up and tried to find games but the lack of traffic tilted me pretty hard. Plus I ran horribly.

I'll admit, I'm not as hopeful as I was 72 hours ago. I really wanted to stay in the United States, but at this point, the land of the free isn't living up to its name. If things aren't settled by Friday, I'll have to make some life-altering decisions, but until then I'll try to keep busy.

The Bridge

2011-04-16T15:02:00.000-07:00

The last thirty or so hours have been rather hectic. If you haven't already heard, online poker has been effectively shut down which means I'm in a rather tough spot. Just signed a lease, bought new furniture, paid the government way too much money, and now I might be forced to leave the country.

A friend of mine asked me what I was going to do, and I replied, "Step one is to find a really tall bridge."

The tallest bridge in the world is the Millau Viaduct in France and cost 400 million to make, which is slightly more than I have in frozen online accounts.

I'm only kidding. Yes, this sucks. But I'm optimistic that there will be some sort of backlash by the poker community that hopefully changes the current situation. I'm sure both PokerStars and FullTilt are scrambling to solve the problem as soon as possible, as both businesses heavily rely on the U.S. traffic to create revenue.

But for now, I believe it's best to be patient. I'm not about to make any drastic life changes, at least not yet. Let's wait a week and allow the this thing to play out a bit. Since the U.S. government doesn't work on weekends, all I can do between now and Monday is play the waiting game. And I'll be honest with you -- I'm not too good at it.

Since hearing the news, I've done my best to keep my mind occupied but I can't shake the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. What if this is permanent? What if I can't get my money from the sites? What will I do for work?

Despite having no answers, I keep asking myself more and more questions. The one question I haven't asked myself, however, is where to find the tallest bridge in Sacramento. Even in a worst case-doomsday scenario, I'm not in horrible shape. I'm relatively young, don't have any responsibilities, saved up a fair amount of money, and have a college degree. The people I truly feel for are those grinders who were supporting their families via online poker. For their sake, I hope this gets settled sooner rather than later.

The Real (Kid) Poker

2011-04-04T14:28:00.000-07:00

Daniel Negreanu has started playing $1.75 SNGs. No, he's not busto. It's presumably in an effort to improve his multi-tabling skills and become proficient in games with a STT structure.

Here are a few recent tweets of his, in reference to SNGs.

Watched @abarone68 of @Poker_VT do it at my house and it's a piece of cake. All math/stack sizes. I'll do it."

Noms

I guess I won't take all the credit for making the games look easy, but I definitely want a little bit. For what it's worth, I did run a bit over EV for that set (+$240 green line, +$190 red) but more importantly, I do think Daniel's oversimplifying the game a bit. Yes, math/stack sizes makes up a significant portion of the game, but reads/ranges are also needed to become an elite player.

63 $1.75 sngs +5.85 total. 1st 19% 2nd 12.7% 3rd 1.6% kinda fun but that's not exactly what I call "real poker"

A lot of people have asked my opinion on this and I've been mum for the most part. I'm not offended or surprised by his comments. When I first heard them, I shrugged my shoulders a bit and thought 'Whatever.' It's nothing new -- for as long as I can remember, other poker players have snubbed their noses at SNGs. That's fine, I'd actually prefer it if the games didn't become even more reg infested.

Okay, back to the tweet. I figured he'd be a winning player, but 63 SNGs is barely a drop in the bucket, and I'd like to wait until he puts together a decent sample size before making any declarations. I mean, look at the finish distribution -- 19/12.7/1.6. Uhh, that's not sustainable.

As for the 'real poker' discussion, I don't know where to start when I'm not entirely sure how to define it. What does he mean by 'real poker?' I imagine he's referring to deep stacked play, but even if we accept that deepstacks are the only form of real poker how deep do you have to be to qualify? Fifty big blinds? One hundred? Five hundred? Where do we draw this imaginary line between real and fake poker?

I think the component Daniel is missing out on most isn't because of the structure of the game, but the buy-in. He's used to playing higher stakes and with opponents who are much more competent. In some cases, brilliant. In that sort of environment, the battle becomes less about the cards and more about two minds battling it out on the felt. It's a bit ironic the realest forms of poker are those where you can use the most of your imagination. Can that happen in STTs? Sure. Admittedly it's harder with less skilled villains and shallower stacks, but 'plays' can still be made given the right situation/opponent.

Even now, there's a rift between tournament players and cash players over which form of the game is purer and realer. Again, I find it difficult to answer the question when the parameters remain undefined. Simply put, the two are different. Players can be 300+ BBs deep in a cash game, but it rarely happens in a tournament. Then again, the structure in a tournament is constantly changing and because of that, certain things happen that would never take place in a cash game.

In SNGs, I'm doing the same things that I'd be doing in cash games or tournaments: examining the strength of my cards, approximating hand ranges, evaluating opponents, considering our history, and putting all of that information together to try and make the best play. I don't know about you, but it sounds like poker to me. Real poker. And even if it's less pure than other forms, the money is still very very real.

The Poem

2011-03-29T04:42:00.000-07:00

I've got a week left in San Diego which means I should probably spend my time hanging out with friends and enjoying what the city has to offer instead of staring at my computer screen and playing online poker.

Should. Probably.

Of course that's assuming I can finish packing up all my stuff before my lease expires in 44 hours. It's going to be a photo finish, that's for sure.

After that, I'll spend a few more days here in San Diego before saying my last goodbyes and making the trip up north. Seven days. I don't know why, but it still hasn't hit me yet. Doesn't seem real.

Part of the allure of having this job is that as long as I have a stable internet connection, I can literally work from anywhere in the world. I chose Sacramento, but it just as easily could have been Toronto, Portland, Austin, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, London, or Bangkok. I'm supposed to have this overwhelming sense of freedom, or at least that's what people tell me. But I don't. Instead, I see the so-called allure as 'there's nowhere in the world that I need to be."

For someone who lives such an unstructured life, it might come as a surprise that I love purpose and direction. A few years ago, I was dating this girl and wrapping up my final year of undergrad at UC Davis. She and I had briefly discussed our post graduation plans, but I had already decided that I was willing to follow her. She was the one who was hamstrung by her degree; I had a year off in front of me and could play poker (Finding a part-time job was also an option at the time) from wherever. It made sense. I had a purpose. I had direction. But it was short-lived. We broke up a few months before my graduation and I decided to move to San Luis Obispo to be closer to childhood friends.

For anyone who hasn't ever been in a similar position, it sounds weird to complain about having too much freedom. To pine for less free will. I'm reminded of a passage by poet Robert Frost, who wrote,

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Beautiful, eloquent, poignant.

But I don't have two roads. My number is seemingly infinite. I can go here, go there, do this, do that. I guess it's freeing, in a sense, but it's also incredibly frightening.

The Eclipse

2011-03-28T02:18:00.000-07:00

As of some time this week, I eclipsed the $100,000 profit mark on PokerStars. To be fair, I passed that threshold a long time ago in real life, just not according to Sharkscope.

I think a lot of people would be excited by the idea of making $100,000 from poker, but it actually makes me a bit depressed. I mean, hell, I've been doing this professionally for two and a half years now. Plus the year or so where I played sporadically in college. Sure, that's decent money, but it's only a teacher's salary. And I don't even get benefits!

(Small editor's note: I do want to take this opportunity to point out that I think our educators are grossly underpaid)

Thankfully, I've been able to make money in several other poker related areas during my time as a professional: Coaching, instructing, staking, bonuses, etc. Most professional poker players have to worry about running well at the tables to make a living and I'm very lucky that I've been able to diversify my income and not have to rely so much on chance.

During the first 1,000 or so games I played this month, I was break-even. And to be completely honest, I didn't even know it. All I knew was that my red line was a bit lower than I'm used to so I spent a few hours looking over my own hand histories to be sure everything was "standard." And it was. Whew, I was relieved.

For some, a month of break-even poker would be incredibly difficult to deal with, both financially and mentally. Not me. Not as long as I knew I was 'supposed' to win. Not as long as I had my other endeavors. Sometimes I feel like I'm a different breed of poker player. Perhaps I'm just much nittier than the rest of them.

The Limit

2011-03-25T04:18:00.001-07:00

With all of the moving related tasks on my list of things to do, I didn't think I'd play much this month. Whoops. Bad read on my part.

- More than 2000 SNGs
- 30+ hours of live cash
- A handful of online MTTs
- An unknown number of hands at .25/.50 netting 2800 BBs

It really hasn't felt like a lot, but I think I've played more this month than the previous two months combined. Maybe it's because I'm diversifying the type of game -- I'm so used to standard, monotonous shove/fold that no-limit cash (online or live) and live limit-hold'em are breaths of fresh air, so to speak.

But Limit-Hold'em is not that foreign to me. When I first decided to learn as much as I could about poker, I headed down to the local bookstore and bought Lee Jones' 'Winning Low Limit Hold'em." But I only did so by mistake. You see, I thought 'Low limit' referred to the table stakes. I had no idea that it was a totally different game. I didn't realize it until I had already returned home, and I was too lazy to go back and return the book so I read it from cover to cover. One of the best mistakes of my life.

I was very new to the game and couldn't fully grasp all of the concepts at the time, but now I look back on that material as the foundation of my game. It taught me the fundamentals has really helped improve my hand reading skills. A few friends of mine in Sacramento are semi-regulars in the limit games and I'll get several opportunities to play once I move up there.

How good am I at limit? Well, I'm not really sure. I don't have that much experience but to my credit, a guy I know thought I was solid enough to coach his friend. I think that has to count for something.

The Circuit

2011-03-14T02:20:00.000-07:00

I took most of this past weekend off from the online poker world, instead opting to spend time doing the real thing at Harrah's Rincon. I've complained about the drive before, but it didn't seem nearly as long as I spent the majority of the drive daydreaming about different scenarios which involved me not only reaching the final table, but dominating it.

Big props to Harrah's, as the structure on Friday's $355 deep-stack was outstanding -- 10,000 chips, 30 minute blind levels, 25/25 to start. 400 big blinds? Don't mind if I do. It amuses me that everyone I talked to was in love with the deepstacks but I'd say 99% of them have no idea how to play AK/JJ with 400 BBs.

I busted out of both tournaments a mile or so from the money and have no bad beat stories to speak of, which means I was all-in with the worst hand twice -- although both times I had under 20 BBs and was effectively coolered. I still could win vicariously through my friend Jeff, who was chipping up and getting himself in position to make a deep run.

After a 20 minute sprint in the Rincon fitness center drained all of the sweat and tilt out of my system, I returned to the poker room and grabbed a seat for $1/$3 NL. An epic session commenced. It would had been even more epic if I hadn't taken a dinner break, as the bad beat jackpot hit at my previous table which would have been good for another $800 in table share. I love talking about hands/strategy spots, but I think it makes for dry blogging so I'll only pick a few of the more interesting hands.

T6dd

I open in EP to $10 and get one caller, a spewy kid in a black t-shirt who looked like a giant baby. Seriously. He's got only $80 or so behind and we see a flop of JT6hhh. I bet $16, he flats. Interesting. King on the turn, I check to him with the intention of check-raising him all-in. If he flopped a flush with his baby stack, the baby doubles up. Instead he checks back. River is a Jack and I check again. Now he bets $37. I replay the hand in my mind and based on how he'd been playing, a flush/set made little sense as he would have bet the turn or raised the flop. A King was unlikely because it's too large of a value bet. I suppose he could have a Jack, but I felt a much larger part of his range were missed draws and random air, so I called. And then I heard the three best words in poker -- "You got it."

K6hh

Three limpers, I look down at K6hh on the button. I had been friendly with the SB and he asked me very politely not to raise. I smiled and decided to oblige, only calling the $3. He completes, BB checks, and we see a J64 rainbow flop six ways. All check to me, I bet $10, only the BB calls. He announces a dark check and an Ace peels off on the turn. I'm intrigued by the dark check, as BB had been pretty aggressive with top pair or better, so I assumed the check was more likely a draw than Jx. I bet $20 to confirm my read, he insta-calls and the river is a 10. Now he bets $45. Hmmmm. All of the draws (75, 87, 85, 53, 52, 32) missed. He might have Jack-Ten, but generally people tend to think a bit more when an overcard comes to their pair and he snap called my turn bet. I hesitate for an extra 30 seconds knowing full well that I'm making the call, hoping that he still might make a move like this in the future. He raps the table and tells me he missed.

T8cc

Two limpers, I make it $15 and get four callers. Whoops. Flop is AQ9 with two hearts and it's checked to me. I check as well. Turn is a 6 of hearts, giving me another gutter. SB leads for $20, and everyone folds to me. He's got $160 or so behind, and I decide to put in a raise to $65. I hoped he'd fold all of his one pair/flush draw hands and with all of the money out there, I'd take the pot more than enough times to make this play profitable. He tanks and finally folds, asking me if he can see the hand. I said, "Sure," and tabled the T8cc. And I think it played a big role one orbit later...

AKhh

Villain from the previous hand rebought for a full $300. I cover. A few limpers, I open to $15. Five callers. Yeah, it was that kind of a game. Flop is QT5 with two hearts. Two checks, I bet $40, villain calls (Button) as does the CO Turn is an off-suit Jack. Best card in the deck. I'm first to act and check. As I was telling this story to a friend of mine, he asked me -- Why do you check there? My reasoning is as follows:

Since I've got any flush draw crushed, the only way I possibly lose the hand is if the board pairs and that means one of my opponents currently has two pair or a set. I believed that if either opponent had such a hand, he would bet in order to protect it against the possible flush/straight draws that were present. And while it's possible I have AK, I'd been very aggressive in this game and that one hand is a very small part of my range.

After my check, villain bets $80, CO calls. I make it $195 and villain thinks for 15 seconds before shoving. I call, table AK, and he tells me he's drawing to a chop. Blank on the river, boom.

In total, I made close to $2,000 in 10 or so hours of side games. Meanwhile, Jeff struggled to get anything going. He'd steal, steal, steal, and then lose a 75/25 for half his chips. But he was able to cash and got himself in great position for a top ten stack, only to have AA get cracked by a horrible player's pocket threes. GG Jeff, but I'm not sure that couple of hundo in profit was worth the 'What could have been' nightmares. You should have got the money in bad and played cash games, IMO.